


Be Careful What You Wish For

by snazzysnaz



Category: Re:ゼロから始める異世界生活 | Re:Zero Starting Life in Another World (Anime), 僕のヒーローアカデミア | Boku no Hero Academia | My Hero Academia
Genre: Angst, BAMF Midoriya Izuku, Cross-Posted on FanFiction.Net, Crossover, Deku centric, Dissociation, Friendship, Mental Health Issues, Minor Original Character(s), Other, Self-Indulgent, Suicidal Thoughts, Temporary Character Death, Time Loop, also not so implied suicide, deku suffering, hopefully a happy ending, implied suicide, izuku have a quirk, re:zero au, tags may be added?, where am i even going with this, you don't need to know re:zero to read this
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-06-28
Updated: 2018-08-17
Packaged: 2018-11-20 14:49:06
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 29
Words: 32,496
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11337687
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/snazzysnaz/pseuds/snazzysnaz
Summary: "Be careful what you wish for."If only someone told Izuku this sooner. Maybe he could have been lucky enough to be born quirkless. Yet he knows, through each painful death, that things could have been worse.So much worse.Midoriya IzukuQuirk: Return by Death(AKA, my completely self-indulgent Re:Zero AU because I couldn't get it out of my head. Contains lots of pointless suffering and angst. You don't need to know anything about Re:Zero to read this.)





	1. Re:Start

**Author's Note:**

> First off, I'm still working on my other fanfiction, "You'd Be Surprised". Next chapter is gonna be the longest yet, but yeah, just wanted to get that out of the way. This is just something I've been writing on whenever I'm bored. I didn't actually plan on posting this, and if I did, I kinda planned to post this as a long-ass oneshot? But whatever, I'm just gonna post this as short chapters whenever I feel like I need a break from my other story. I actually have a lot more written for this story (about 4,7k more), but I need to edit it and stuff.
> 
> Tbh, this story doesn't really have a point besides watching Deku suffer (sorry about that), but uh... enjoy?

The first time it happened he didn’t even realize, but perhaps he should have. Perhaps it was obvious, but to him, the possibility seemed so out of reach, so far fetched, that he dismissed it without a second thought.

A vivid nightmare. That’s all it was—all he _thought_ it was, _convinced himself_ it was. A very eerie, surprisingly accurate and all too real nightmare, but a nightmare nonetheless. For to Izuku’s mind, that explanation was more plausible ( ~~preferable~~ ) to the current reality.

On one hand, he couldn't blame himself for not realizing sooner. On the other, he wanted to punch himself for his stupidity, for not seeing something that in hindsight was _so obvious._ But whatever he may think or do, in the end, it didn’t even matter. It wouldn’t change anything. All he could do was to bite the bullet and endure it.

It was all he could ever do. All he _can_ do.

All he will do.

Over and over, until he was littered with holes and his body stops functioning altogether. And then, he would get up, just so he could do it all over again.

 

* * *

 

Midoriya Izuku always wished he was born with a quirk. When he was told at the young age of four that he would, most likely, never develop one, it marked the moment he tasted true despair for the first time. But now, looking back, he started to think it had all been a mistake. That perhaps living a life of crushed dreams would have been preferable over the world granting him his wish in what he thought must be the cruelest way possible.

He quickly chides himself for his selfish thoughts. This was just the burden he had to bear. Many realities had been set before him, each more horrific than the last. Izuku had lived them all, and he wept. But with this power he could create a different future, a new outcome. Something _better._

And while Izuku was the only one left with the knowledge of a world in shambles, his classmates, his friends, everyone else… they would all be free to continue living their carefree lives, unburdened by their ignorance.

What did it matter if Izuku broke again and again? If it meant they could be saved, he had no choice but to comply. What did it matter, when it would all reset anyways?

For them, he would take whatever the world threw at him, again and again. He would cry, so they could laugh. He would break, so they could heal. He would die, so they could live.

...he just wished it could have been different. For his quirk, he would trade in a heartbeat, if only it meant he could finally stop pretending to be a hero.

His eyelids fluttered close, heavy with fatigue and red with tears. His final breath, ragged and hoarse from his screaming, left his lips in a tired puff and his broken chest settled with a shudder. The world dimmed. Grew dark. _Black._ Izuku let it happen, having long since learned to stop struggling.

His beating heart still tried to fight it, refusing to give up as easily as it’s master. But with each pathetic _thump_ it only grew slower and slower, until it—in a last ditch effort—gave one final, weak _thump_ in a desperate (but ultimately pointless) attempt at survival. And then, finally… it was over.

Izuku lay still. Lifeless.

And then he awoke.


	2. The End of the Beginning

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> First times.
> 
> Re:Load

The first time he experienced his quirk he had been wandering home from school, completely oblivious of the horrors yet to come—but he didn’t realize what had happened until the second.

It had been one of the worst days of his life, and it was only about to get worse. His childhood friend ( _former_ childhood friend, he reminded himself) Kacchan had ruined one of his beloved Quirk Analysis notebooks, before advising him to go jump off a roof, in hopes of being born with a quirk in his next life.

If only he knew.

It all happened so fast. One second, he was wandering alone through an empty underpass, fighting to stay positive and to keep his fragile dreams alive. Before he even realized, he found himself in the grasp of a villain—dark green and slimy, smelling of sewage.

“I’ll be borrowing your body for a while,” it whispered in his ear, forcing it’s liquid form down his unwilling nose and throat. “This will only hurt for a second.”

His lungs burned. He cried, clawed uselessly at whatever he could reach, and would have begged for his life, if only he could. But his muffled pleas fell on deaf ears, his struggles ignored.

He screamed in his mind; for a hero, for anyone, _someone._ He screamed, for mercy, screamed, for help that never came.

A hero.

A hero.

_A hero._

...but no hero ever came. No one came to help the poor boy, fourteen years old, struggling for breath as his life was slowly choked out from him.

Midoriya Izuku died that day. He died, alone, afraid, and with tears streaking down his face.

But it wouldn’t be the last.

 

* * *

 

Some parts of him wonders whatever happened to that Izuku. Would that world continue on without him? Was the current Izuku the same boy whose life was extinguished before he even finished middle school, or was he just an impostor, carrying his memories? 

He hoped not. He couldn’t bear to imagine the look on his mother’s face when she was informed of his untimely demise. That is, if she ever was.

 

* * *

 

He awoke to the sight of his ruined notebook, floating uselessly in the koi pond in front of his school. He blinked owlishly, still shaken and confused from what he quickly assumed to be just a terrible dream. It had been the only logical explanation he could think of.

But this time when he arrived at the lonesome underpass he saw in his nightmare, he hesitated. He lingered by the entrance, heart clouded in doubt and paralyzing fear. But in the end, he still stepped through the tunnel, wary of his surroundings as he was, jumping at every shadow and the tiniest of sound.

When the villain appeared, he found himself rooted to the spot. There was shock, because the villain looked just the same as his nightmare. Shock, because there was _no way,_ it was _impossible,_ it _couldn’t_ —

For a moment, he was convinced he would die. That his dream was some sort of warning, and like the idiot he was, he refused to listen.

But this dream had a different ending. Instead of being suffocated to death, he was saved. Rescued by a hero, _the_ hero. All it needed were a few extra seconds, a few moments of hesitation that Izuku never gave in the past, to change his future. This time, All Might would save him.

He would live.

And in his panic, of all that happened and of finally meeting his idol, he would forget all about the dream. For at the moment there was something more important on his mind, nightmares foretelling his gruesome death be damned.

He grabbed onto his hero’s leg, refusing to let go, only concerned with his own selfish desires. He needed an answer. He needed confirmation that his dreams were possible, that all the torture and ridicule he went through on a daily basis for his impossible goal wasn’t all in vain.

“Can someone quirkless like me become a hero too?”

He would never forget the look of pity on All Might’s face in that moment. He would never forget when his hero seemingly and suddenly deflated in a puff of smoke, only leaving the emaciated skeleton of a man behind.

Izuku was bewildered, denying vehemently to the high heavens that _this_ was All Might! That the unbreakable Symbol of Peace was little more than a carefully crafted and fragile lie, that with only the tiniest of mistakes could be shattered like glass, only to be carried away in the wind in the form of a million tiny crystal shards.

But the hero just sighed and shook his head. That day, Izuku found out All Might’s secret. He saw the wound that was killing the hero slowly, left behind by a villain so many years ago, like spider cracks upon sickly pale flesh.

That day, All Might told him the words he had dreaded hearing, but deep inside always knew to be true. “ _No”._ No, Izuku could not become a hero. Not without a quirk. Not without power.

His hero left, and Izuku didn’t know what to do. Now that the only person that was important, the only one who _mattered_ had confirmed his fears, confirmed that Izuku was, and always would be, just as useless as everyone always told him. His childhood friend’s words replayed in his mind, taunting him. _“If you want a quirk so badly…”_

But his dark thoughts were interrupted and left for another day by a sudden, and very loud, _BANG_ in the distance, reverberating throughout the streets and invading his ears.

An explosion.

A villain.

Slime.

_My fault._

Kacchan!

His selfish actions, wasting All Might’s time with a pointless question he already knew the answer to, had allowed the villain made of sludge to escape, and now it had found a new target to torment.

Instead of a boy with emerald eyes and deep green curls, this one sported an all too familiar set of fiery red irises and ashen blonde strands. They met Izuku’s, those pleading eyes, _begging._

_“I don’t want to die!”_

He didn’t think.

He acted.

With all the knowledge he’d accumulated throughout his fourteen years of life, he fought; fought as hard as he could in a desperate attempt to _save_ , but in the end, the one who needed saving was him. Again. By the same hero and idol who’d crushed his dreams once and for all—

 _No._ Not crushed. Izuku already knew. All Might just made him see the truth he refused to see. Again, he had to be saved by someone else, because he was too powerless to help anyone, least of all himself.

But he didn’t regret it. Seeing his childhood friend, _his bully,_ look at him with such pleading eyes—

It hadn’t been a choice. Izuku moved before he could even process what was happening.

Even afterwards, as he was scolded by other heroes for his reckless actions, he did not regret it. And when Kacchan later approached him only to growl in his face, telling him he refused to be thankful, to thank _him,_ Izuku just smiled. He wasn’t looking for gratitude or recognition, he was just glad Kacchan was _still there_ to throw insults and curses at him.

And when All Might found him after that, when he told him those five words that would change his life forever, he cried.

“You can be a hero.”

Tears ran down freckled cheeks and he tried to choke down his heaving sobs.

“You shall inherit my power.”

Wide, confused eyes stared up at the blonde hero.

“With it, you shall become the next Symbol of Peace.”

All Might gazed down on him. He smiled, and the sun shining from behind lit up his contours, casting the hero in a holy glow. Izuku took a sharp breath, because in that moment, he thought he was looking at an angel.


	3. Discovery; Fear; Relief

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Izuku makes a discovery.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Edited the old chapters a bit because I realized I messed up the formatting. :/

The second time. The second time he noticed. He noticed, and the realization hit him like a head on collision on a busy highway.

_I have a quirk._

Not the one given to him by All Might, passed on to him after ten months of grueling training that transformed his scrawny and soft body into hard muscle. This one, he was born with. This one, he had from the very start. And he thought—

_I lied to All Might._

Of course, it hadn’t been intentional. And realistically, he knew—knew that All Might didn’t choose him for his lack of quirk, but for his spirit, _the spirit of a hero._ But that didn’t stop the guilt, telling him he’d done something _wrong,_ eating him inside out.

But next to that, next to the guilt and shame, was excitement. Happiness. Because—

_I have a quirk!_

They had all been wrong: mom, Kacchan, his classmates, the doctor…

_“Frankly, I’m not sure what is wrong,” the doctor sighed. “My first guess was that your son is one of the unlucky few born quirkless, but none of the test we’ve performed indicates that that is the case. By all means, he should have a quirk by now._

_“It’s possible your son’s quirk is just too weak to be noticeable, but for now, we just have to assume he’s quirkless. I would recommend a quirk therapist in the possible scenario that Midoriya-chan does have a quirk, but haven’t figured out how to activate it. It’s rare, but possible with quirks requiring very specific conditions to be activated.”_

The therapist didn’t help. Nothing they made him do had any noticeable effect, and by the end of it, they decided to just write him off as quirkless. But now… of course nothing had worked. Despite all the odd little exercises they had him do, there was one thing they could never ask of him. A trigger so specific, there was no way Izuku could have ever discovered it on his own.

_Death._

The third emotion, after his initial guilt and excitement, was dawning terror.

_I have to save that girl!_

The second time Izuku died, it was during the U.A. entrance exam when he fell to his death after failing to save a kind girl from getting crushed by a giant robot. She helped him beforehand, when he was about to embarrassingly fall flat on his face strolling up the road to U.A., preparing to enter the famous hero academy for the first time. With her quirk, she floated him gently to safety, _and he had let her die!_

The robots were part of the practical exam. Most of them were small, manageable, worth only a few points each, ranging from the one pointers to the more dangerous three pointers. The goal was to either destroy or disable them, but there was one last catch.

The zero pointer. A robot too dangerous to take on, and better avoided. An obstacle, rather than an enemy. Izuku really hadn’t been sure what to expect when the hero and U.A. teacher Present Mic explained it to them, but it wasn’t this. This wasn’t an _obstacle,_ it was a monster!

He still charged at the terrifying behemoth head on, after unfreezing his legs left paralysed by fear and forcing them to move. Seeing what it did to that girl—he couldn’t just stand back. In fact, the terrible sight only spurred him on because _he couldn’t let any of the other participants meet the same fate!_

Without a second thought, he used the power bestowed on him by All Might to blow a hole straight through it’s head, ripping through metal and wire alike like paper.

His arm broke. His legs, infused with the same destructive power, had broken as well, after he used them to reach the head of the colossal robot to begin with. It was through an incredible jump that he aimed for the terrifying and merciless robotic visage, which would prove to be his downfall. Quite literally, in this case.

He fell, and belatedly realized that _he didn’t know what to do!_ He never planned this far. In fact, he hadn’t planned at all! It was just like back with Kacchan and the sludge incident; he moved before he could even think.

With a wet, sickening _splat_ and _crack_ of broken bones and soft flesh exploding in a rain of nauseating red that left his shattered body even more mangled than it already was, he hit the ground. He was dead before the pain even registered.

And then he was back, which left him running around the exam grounds in a frantic search for the girl. This time he had to reach her in time, he _had to!_

In his panic, he completely forgot why he even came here in the first place. The other robots were forgotten, unimportant in the scheme of things. Right now, he wasn’t thinking about racking up enough points for U.A. to accept him; the only thing on his mind was the girl, because he knew his quirk had brought him back for a reason. And that reason was to save a life.

He found her, in the same spot as before, but this time she was still alive. There was still time. This time, he would save her.

Much like in the first timeline, he jumped. Perhaps he should have thought of a different approach, considering how last time ended, but nothing else popped into his mind at that moment. His priority was to make sure the girl was safe. What happened after wasn’t important.

He punched. The hulking beast fell, and he along with it.

He only had a fraction of a second to relax, knowing that the girl would live to see another day, before panic took hold of him once more. He was going to die, _again_ , and this time he wasn’t sure if he would come back.

But like with All Might and the villain of sludge, Izuku’s choices gave this future a different outcome.

With a sharp _slap,_ he came to a sudden stop, but it wasn’t because of the hard, unforgiving concrete ground. He was floating, and in the edges of his foggy vision (exhaustion, pain, fear, _relief_ ), he saw the kind girl, hand raised and teary eyed.

 _Ah… I was saved again…_ were his last thoughts, before darkness took over and he passed out.

He woke to a small and wrinkled lady standing over him, and though it took a few seconds, he soon identified her as Recovery Girl, U.A.’s own personal nurse and healer. She shook her head and tutted disapprovingly, scolding him for his reckless behavior, but Izuku couldn’t find it in him to regret his decision. The girl was alive, and that’s all he needed to know. His broken bones had been fixed and his swollen flesh returned to it’s original shape and color, the burning ache in his body long gone.

Everything would be fine.

Whether he got into U.A. or not, which he sincerely doubted, that girl was alive, _breathing,_ and so was he.

_Everything would be fine._


	4. The Beginning of Despair

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Calm before the storm.

Somehow he got accepted into U.A., despite what he thought was an extremely poor performance in the practical exam. Aside from the no pointer one, he destroyed a grand (and impressive, for all the wrong reasons) total of exactly zero robots. But for rescuing that girl, along with securing the safety of all other participants on the battleground, he was awarded sixty rescue points in return.

 _Karma does exist,_ he mused, a large grin splitting his freckled face in two as he approached the gates to U.A. for a second time, with hopefully many more to come. But this time it was not as a contestant, but as a student, his uniform worn proudly as proof of his achievement.

Studying at U.A. he would have no use of his quirk, _his original quirk,_ for a long (yet not long enough) time to come. In fact, through all the excitement of finally attending the school of his dreams and being tutored by All Might himself, along with many other of his favorite heroes, he almost forgot about it. Pushed to the back of his mind, he smiled at the new friends ( _actual_ friends!) he made, passing his school days in bliss, with only a few hiccups here and there to break it up.

But he would receive a grim, _grim_ reminder on the day that their homeroom teacher, Aizawa, took them for a school trip to the USJ.

 

* * *

 

The first death was himself—ripped in half with his intestines floating uselessly in too dark water, painted bright red through his blood. Out of all deaths so far, this was easily the most painful.

He didn’t die right away. It had been faster than choking to death on disgusting sewage slime, but there was something about watching your guts spill out of your body that made the whole experience so much more _real._ Suffocating was an experience waiting to be over, falling was too fast to register, but seeing his insides spilling out into the open had a finality to it. Aside from the excruciating pain, it left him with a feeling of _absolute vulnerability_ and a promise that it was too late.

He screamed without sound, his lungs filling with water dyed crimson. It tasted like iron. Bitter, harsh and disgusting.

But worse than all that—than the pain, the fear, the blood, _the absolute shock and terror_ —was the expression on Asui Tsuyu’s face.

It only lasted a second. The frog girl’s normally neutral expression twisted into something awful, black eyes filled with _pure unadulterated horror,_ as she watched her classmate for barely a month bleed out in front of her. She did not even notice the villain approaching behind her.

He tried to scream once more, uselessly, reaching a shaking hand out in a desperate attempt to warn her, do _something,_ but all that came out was silence and blood.

Then everything turned black. Midoriya Izuku was dead. But it was only one more death added to a list that would steadily grow, stretching far ( _too far_ ) into the horizon.

At some point, he would grow used to it. But even as the fear of dying would slowly be erased and replaced with solemn acceptance, there was one thing he could never grow used to.

Dying he could handle; pain and fear little more than white noise to exhausted ears. But watching someone else die ( _you couldn’t do anything you worthless Deku, what kind of hero are you?_ ) was something different entirely. It didn’t matter how many times it happened—every time was just as painful as the first. At least he didn’t have to look himself in the eyes as the burning fire called life faded in them, before finally being extinguished once and for all.

Except it wasn't once and for all, was it? Except it would happen again, and again, because Izuku was _worthlessworthlessworthless._ Except he would die, again, whether it’s because he was too weak, or so that he could _erase, undo, fix_ the mistakes he made.

But this was something only he could do. This was his responsibility.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Are you ready for the true suffering to begin? :)


	5. Freezing

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Murder in cold blood.

The second death was Todoroki Shouto.

Izuku’s eyes blinked open to the space hero, Number Thirteen, finishing his speech. Fear seized his heart in realization that there was nothing he could do to warn them of the incoming villain attack without attracting unwanted questions. Even if there was some way for him to convince everyone that they _had to leave now,_ there wouldn’t be enough time. That only left him with one option: survive.

When the swirling villain of purple mist so dark it almost looked black warped them, Izuku had already changed his initial position. His intent was to evade the warp entirely, but seeing as he failed that, he ended up transported to the same district as the ice and fire user.

If Izuku hadn’t been there, Todoroki would have frozen every villain as soon as his feet touched the ground. But with the other boy there and in danger of being caught in the attack, he was a lot more constricted in how freely he could use his quirk.

In the end, as they were both overwhelmed by villains from all angles, Todoroki’s left side erupted in a roaring inferno as a last, desperate attempt to defend himself. So shocked the elemental user was, that he did not even notice the villain sneaking up behind him.

By the time Izuku’s warning shout left his lips, it was already too late.

Todoroki’s heterochromatic eyes were open wide with shock, staring without words at the sharpened pole that entered through his back, pierced his heart and thrust through his chest. He grasped the bloody end jutting out from between his ribs, just holding it, looking confused and unsure of what to do next.

His eyes met Izuku’s, mouth open in a silent plea. Tears slowly begun prickling the corners of his eyes as his dazed expression bled over into panic and dawning realization. The image of a fatally injured Todoroki falling bonelessly to his knees grew blurry as Izuku’s own salty tears mixed with the other’s.

 _I’m sorry,_ he mouthed, not daring to say it out loud and breaking the deafening silence. _I’m sorry._

He knew what he had to do. Furiously, he wiped his eyes and took a deep breath to steady his beating heart, pounding so hard he thought he heard his ribs creaking. He glared up at the grinning villains through watery eyes and did his best to choke down his sobs and sniffles, threatening to break him.

He didn’t have to do much after that. He lacked the courage to take action into his own hands, but fortunately, he didn’t need to. Before the next minute was up, it was over.

Izuku’s body joined Todoroki's on the ground. His head landed somewhere else.

 _Hopefully on a villain,_ he thought, spitefully. That brought a faint smile to his face, so the first thing he did after resetting was to bellow out a hearty laugh. It gained him a few curious stares and a scowl from Kacchan, but at that point, Izuku couldn’t care less about something so trivial.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know there chapters are short, and I did consider making them longer, but decided against it. The reason is that this story is kinda a side project of mine beside my main fic. I haven't really gotten that far in this story. So while I could have just compiled these chapters into one part, that means that there would be a long time before the next chapter is posted. This way I can post one chapter every day. :) (Until I run out of material... >_>)
> 
> But yeah. I did decided to post two chapters today though, since these two were really short.


	6. False Hope

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Too late.

Third death, not counting his own after Todoroki’s, was Aizawa Shouta.

Everything started out promising. Izuku managed to escape the mist, along with Number Thirteen, Uraraka, Iida, Shouji, Sato, Sero and Ashido. There were a few close calls; when Thirteen had his own quirk turned against him, Izuku reluctantly considered resetting. But despite the teacher’s disintegrated back, he stayed conscious and assured his students he would be fine. And once All Might showed up, a furious grimace twisting his face into something terrifying and so unlike his usual jovial smile, Izuku thought that _finally_ , everything would be okay.

But then All Might dropped off the still body of their homeroom teacher by his feet.

“Take care of him,” All Might smiled, strained, before he shot off toward Shigaraki and the noumu. Despite the hero’s effort to keep the atmosphere positive, the sinking feeling in Izuku’s gut told him it was already too late. _There’s so much blood…_

He checked the pulse just to make sure. His mouth pressed into a thin, straight line as he wrestled to calm his roiling stomach at the sensation of still warm blood staining his trembling fingertips a deep red.

_None._

With a heavy and shaking sigh as he forced his emotions down, he rose from his kneeling position beside Aizawa’s cooling body. With a quirk infused dash, he landed in the path of a heavy blow aimed for All Might. There was shouting, but it was drowned out by the sound of his ribcage crushing and the rush of blood thumping in his ears.

_Crack, snap, splash._

The noumu’s fist ripped straight through his torso and completely obliterated his spine as it exited through his back. The pain was unbearable, but through his agony, he took some amusement at the expression of disbelief that seized the hand covered villain’s face.


	7. Dead Body, Empty Mind

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dying hope.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A bit late, but um, here you go.

The fourth death was All Might—the Symbol of Peace, the Number one Hero,  _Hope._ Watching him die tore a hole through Izuku's chest that no number or resets could ever hope to undo. It wasn't just the fact that All Might was his idol, his own personal hero... But this was  _All Might_. If someone as great as him could be defeated—what did this mean for the rest of the world?

This iteration started out much like the previous. The difference was that this time, through a series of desperate actions on Izuku's part, Aizawa survived his bloody encounter with the noumu. Izuku gripped his partially crumbled arm tightly, an ill-fitting triumphant grin decorating his face. It took him two tries—that purple monster was  _fast_ —but his injured arm was a low price compared to keeping both his and Eraserhead's life. Nothing worth a reset, even if the pain  _did_ force him to grit his teeth tightly to prevent the torrent of tears that fought to escape his leaking sockets. Now they just had to wait for All Might, who should be here any second—

A loud crash reverberated throughout the building as the double doors to leading into the USJ blew off its hinges. Izuku smiled, even when All Might did not.

A fierce battle quickly ensued, good versus evil. And although it looked bad, although All Might's punches seemed worryingly ineffective against the purple monster with the bulging brain, barely even leaving so much as a mark on that inky skin, that smile stayed on his face. Because this was  _All Might,_ and _there was no way_   _he'd ever lose!_

Izuku had gone through so much,  _seen too much,_ but it would finally be over. He could finally rest—maybe take a sick week off or two after this. Because it was

                   finally

 

         over

 

Izuku's sunshine smile died and turned to night when the noumu tore All Might stomach open. It wasn't unlike his own, first death at the USJ. He wondered if the pain All Might felt was just as terrible.

Shigaraki laughed, loud and grating. The nauseating sound of nails on skin, fervently scratching and leaving tiny streams of blood behind, and the mad cackling was the only noise that dared to break the smothering silence. "HE'S DEAD! DEAD, DEADDEADDEAD! THE FAKE SYMBOL OF PEACE  _IS_   _DEAD!"_

Izuku barely even registered his own movements. He felt limp, muscles numb. He couldn't feel his body, but the figure of a gloating and raving Shigaraki was growing larger.

A hand that did not belong to him grabbed onto a sickly pale one. Without prompting, his body brought the other's hand close to his face. At this distance, he noticed small spider like cracks littering the ashen skin.

But even in the state he found himself in, living in static, he could not bring himself to complete the motion. The hand rested, trembling, in front of jade green eyes. A few unbearable second passed in anticipation, before thin fingers wrapped around wet, freckled cheeks; enclosing them, squeezing tight, tighter,  _tighter_ —life turning to ash.

Distantly, someone screamed.


	8. True Despair

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> He thought it was over, but Izuku should have known better.

The fifth death was Mineta Minoru. Asui was close to join him; she just barely escaped with her life, but with the injuries she sustained, she would never be able to become a hero.

Before the frog girl dragged her broken body to safety and delivered the grim news, everything seemed to fall into place. Izuku escaped the black smoke, Aizawa was still alive—Izuku’s arm broken but not crumbled—and All Might was still breathing, the noumu defeated.

Backup finally arrived, and the villains were apprehended. Their warp gate, Kurogiri, and their leader Shigaraki escaped, but everyone was _alive._

It was _perfect._

“Mineta-chan, he didn’t…” Asui pressed her thin lips into a straight line. “I’m the only one who made it out.”

_Crack._

Izuku swore the sound of his hopes being dashed and stomped on was loud enough for the whole world to hear, but no one except for him reacted to the sound of glass violently shattering. He cringed visibly, the noise like crystal shards cutting into his eardrums which left his ears bleeding and head dizzy.

There was only one option. However, unlike previous repeats, Izuku couldn’t rely on someone else to finish the job for him. Every intruder had already been apprehended and arrested.

This reset would have to be carried out by his own two hands.

...it would be easier if they could just _._ Stop _. Shaking._

He almost jumped out of his skin when he felt a heavy hand fall on his shoulder, and couldn’t stop the indignant yelp that escaped. Izuku lifted his head to meet an intense gaze, deep blue eyes trained on him. Iida.

The bespectacled boy may have caught him off guard, but his hand was warm. Comforting. As the class representative, he needed to be strong. It was so typical of the tall teen, to try to cheer up his friends even when he himself was hurting so. Uraraka tried the same, hugging Asui close and repeated lines of comfort and consoling words in her ear softly.

“There’s nothing you could have done,” she attempted. The other girl didn’t look like she believed her.

But whether Uraraka was right or not, there _was_ something Izuku could do. Reluctantly, he removed Iida’s hand from his sagging shoulders. His skin felt cold and clammy, and he was still trembling. He hoped no one noticed, but then again, soon enough it wouldn’t even matter anyways.

“Midoriya-kun?” Iida asked, voice laced with concern. Izuku just gave him a sad smile in return, his usual bright eyes now dull and lifeless. He was just _so tired…_

“Sorry. I’ll do better next time.”

And with that, he infused his hands with the power of One for All, before snapping his neck and fell bonelessly to the ground.

_Crunch._


	9. Broken

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Everything's fine.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Edited the three latest chapters just to fix a very minor continuity error. I kinda messed up on the death count; there's so many people dying left and right that I lose track.

Izuku was shaking ( _tremblingtremblingtrembling),_ breathing harsh, ragged breaths as he choked on thin air, doing his best to calm his racing mind.

_How the hell can I stay calm in a situation like this?!_

His hands flew up to grapple the sides of his head, pulling at the strands to ground himself in the pain, whilst his body curled in on itself as much as it could while still standing.

He didn’t do better next time; the lie he told Iida tasting like ash in his mouth. The sixth death had been Asui. He followed her and Mineta to the Flood Zone and just barely avoided the villain with shark like teeth that once ripped his stomach open. But then, after they escaped and he thought they’d be safe, the villain covered in hands interrupted their moment of reprieve to ruin it all with just one, single action. He watched in horror as Shigaraki’s fingers curled around Asui’s face and crumbled the girl’s flesh like burning paper.

_Was that how it looked on me too?_

This was now his eighth repeat, and he was determined to make it his last.

_That’s what you said the first seven deaths too._

“Deku-kun? Are you alright?”

The _thump thump thumping_ in Izuku’s ears were so loud it almost drowned out the sound of Uraraka’s worrying voice. He took a few deep breaths ( _one two three four five, one two three four five,_ he counted) before uncurling. He gave her a shaky smile, the biggest he could muster. He didn’t want to put his friends through any more pain than necessary.

“I’m fine,” he lied. Uraraka didn’t look convinced, and he could see Iida eyeing him with concern as well, but any further questions they might have had were forgotten when a dark, misty portal swirled into existence in the middle of the USJ plaza.

_Here we go._

“Everyone, get back! These are villains!”

 

* * *

 

He cried. He cried, and cried and cried. _It’s finally over!_

Everyone was alive, more or less. No fatal injuries. Izuku worried about All Might and Aizawa who received the worst of it, and wondered if he needed another redo, but Recovery Girl assured him they would survive.

The villain’s were arrested. Kurogiri and Shigaraki got away, again, but that was a problem left for another day. Perhaps the smart choice would have been to go through the loop again until every loose end was tied in a perfect knot, but Izuku didn’t _want_ to reset again. He didn’t want to go through it all again.

_Idon’twanttoIdon’twanttoIdon’twantto._

Perhaps it was selfish, but he just _couldn’t._ Not unless it was _absolutely necessary._

_But it’s fine now. Everything’s fine. Everything will be alright._

_…_

_Will he?_

He shook his head. It’s fine. All those deaths that happened—that was in another reality, not this one. Sure, everyone was left shaken from the attack, but it’s fine. No one died. It could have been worse.

_So much worse._

“Are you alright?”

Iida. Of course he was concerned; Izuku was still crying.

“I-I’m fine!” he sobbed. It was true, but why did he feel like he just told a terrible lie?

“Are you sure?” the class president put a reassuring hand on his shoulder and gave him a small, comforting smile. When Izuku lifted his gaze ( _faded, dead)_ to meet his friends eyes, he felt the hand on him tighten.

“I’m fine,” he repeated. “Just a bit shaken, is all.”

“I—,” Iida opened his mouth, staring into those blank, green eyes. “...are you _absolutely_ sure?”

“I’m _fine,_ ” he repeated for a third time, voice harsh and angry. He took a shaky breath to calm his roiling emotions, feeling guilty for snapping at the other teen. Iida was just trying to be a good friend. “I just need to rest a little.”

“...” Iida was silent, but eventually relented. “Alright… if you say so. Just remember that if anything is ever bothering you, I’m here to listen.”

Uraraka ran up to join them, a relieved smile relaxing her face. “You guys!” she called, but stopped dead in her track when she spotted Izuku.

“Are you alright?” she asked, her mouth turning down into a frown.

Izuku could barely find the energy to dignify her with a response. It took every last ounce of his remaining strength to muster up a reply.

“I’m fine.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A moment's rest.


	10. Jagged Edges

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A moment's rest.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A bit late, sorry about that. I just wasn't feeling it yesterday, and I feel like my writing is better when I actually _feel_ like writing, you know? So this is better for everyone. Also, this story is going to go on hiatus for a while. The reason is that I haven't written much more past this point—the Stain arc is coming up and my memory is slightly fussy about what exactly goes down. I remember all the important stuff, but not the small details. I contemplated rereading the manga, but I have decided to wait for the anime to catch up. Experiencing the anime is going to be more exciting when I don't remember every little detail that takes place in the manga, you know?

"My boy."

Izuku stilled at the sound of All Might's voice, calling for his attention. It wasn't unusual for him and the hero to converse with each other, but there was something about the seriousness in his teacher's tone that put him on edge.

"Y-yes!" he cringed as he squeaked out a reply, turning trembling eyes to face All Might. The hero was silent for a moment, further setting Izuku's nerves on edge as he awaited his sentence. It felt like All Might stared right into his very soul, and judged every inch accordingly; like those icy blues read him like an open book, tearing it open and ripping apart the pages one by one.

"Your friends came to me with some concerns regarding your well being," he started. Paused. Then, "And I agree."

Cold sweat began to form on the back of Izuku's neck.

"I know you always worry too much about small details, but I can see that this is more than that. You did speak with our school therapist as recommended after the villain attack, right?"

Izuku nodded carefully in response. "I did." But there was only so much he could reveal; so much one person could help him with.

"Hm…" All Might looked contemplative, bringing one of his large hands up to his chin and rubbed it thoughtfully. "Do you think it helped?"

"I…" he swallowed hard. "...please don't worry about me. There's just a lot going on in my life recently, and I need some time to process it. I'll be okay." Well, it wasn't a complete lie.

"..." All Might stalked close to him, before he patted his back in a comforting gesture, being mindful of his strength as to not send his student reeling. Then, he flashed him a thumbs up and a smile, the light reflecting of his pearly whites in a way that hurt to look at. It made Izuku's eyes water in pain, but he refused to look away.

"Of course! You are strong, my boy! Don't ever think otherwise!" All Might boasted. The anxious boy cracked a smile at that; even if he didn't believe in his mentor's words, it was nice to know All Might had faith in him.

"...thanks."

Izuku's heart felt a little lighter for the rest of the day.

 

* * *

 

Taking time to spend with people Izuku saw die during the USJ was a therapeutic experience. It reminded him that they were still there,  _still alive._  It didn't have to be a lot, just a "Good morning Todoroki!", "Can I ask a question, sensei?" or a "You don't look nervous at all for the Sports Festival Asui! How can you always stay so calm?". Hearing them reply put his mind at ease, and when night came, he replayed the memories over and over in his head until he passed out from sheer exhaustion, too tired for the nightmares to reach him.

The upcoming U.A. Sports Festival also helped. He could spend all his focus on training, leaving no thoughts left for what occurred at the USJ. And while he was of course nervous to compete on national television, it was a welcome feeling to burning despair and hopeless misery.

He could finally relax, and day by day, the bloody memories of a past that never happened gradually began to fade. It would always stay there, in the back of his mind and in his dreams, but now he could face his teachers and classmates without their dead eyed corpses staring back.

 

* * *

 

The Sports Festival came and went, and even if Izuku didn't win like All Might (and himself) had hoped, it was fine. Even if his right hand was left permanently crooked and scarred after his (quite literally) heated match with Todoroki, it was fine.

No one died. No villain's attacked. There was no need for a reset, and Izuku could help someone without having to die in the process for once. It was just too bad Iida had to leave before the winner's ceremony was over; watching Kacchan writhe in his restraints on the first place pedestal had been kind of funny.

...since when did he stop being so scary?

 

* * *

 

Hero names. Izuku wanted to laugh. When he presented his own, it was with a smile, bitter under its bright facade.

"Are you sure? You might be called that for the rest of your life, you know."

Kirishima's concern was appreciated, but ultimately wasted. Better save that energy for someone else.

"Yes, I'm sure. This is my hero name."

Deku. Useless.

How fitting.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Izuku, you need to stop selling yourself so short. :I Things would be WAY worse without you.
> 
> Anyways, here's a bit of a mix between happy and depressing stuff! Izuku's already low self esteem have taken a beating after watching his friends die again and again. But you know... things gotta get worse before they get better. My end goal _is_ to give Izuku a happy ending (well, as happy as possible), but he's going to have to go through hell before that.


	11. Lies, Dreams and Hard Truths

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Izuku finds Iida in an alley.

The first time, he was too slow. When he finally found Iida in that dark and miserable alleyway, it was to the sight of his body lying prone in a puddle of cooling blood. There was someone else there too, just as still and lifeless as his friend, but Izuku didn't stay long enough to identify them before he reset.

Dying was becoming easier, and Izuku was not sure if that thought comforted him or not. In the end, it did not much matter much what he thought of it; he would end up restarting either way. So, he choose to ignore it instead. He just did what needed to be done.

He was quite proud of his second entrance. It had been a blaze of speed and strength, with his fist landing square into Iida's would-be killer's face faster than anyone could shout "Deku!". As his knuckles made contact, there was an audible  _crunch_ that Izuku found much more satisfying than any proper hero should. He choose to ignore that too.

Iida stared at him, shocked, and with something that might be despair written across his face, while his body lay paralyzed and frustratingly vulnerable on the crimson splattered ground. But when he shouted, "This had nothing to do with you! Don't get involved!" the only thing Izuku felt was anger, burning deep, like acid in his gut.

Was Iida really telling him to  _run?_ Did he have any clue as to what would happen if Izuku  _did?_

" _Do you really want to die that badly?!"_

His words were harsh, he knew. Of course Iida didn't know.  _Couldn't know._ It must be easy for him to imagine that justice—which is no doubt what his friend keeps telling himself is the true reason he found himself in this alley, chasing after the man who mutilated his brother—would always prevail. But Izuku knew better. Izuku knew that sometimes, evil did win. But people would continue to convince themselves otherwise, so that they could fall asleep at night, knowing that nothing could, would, or ever will harm them of the people they cared about.

Everything would be fine. Things always worked themselves out in the end.

_What a joke._

But Iida didn't have to know just what a big lie it all was. He already got a taste of it when his older brother was rushed to the hospital, and it was announced that he may never walk again.

No. People needed to believe that everything would be fine—they needed to believe that a hero always show up to save the day. It's the dream All Might fights to protect every day, what Izuku fights to protect, what  _all_ heroes should fight to protect. Because the truth was enough to drive you insane.

"If you want me to leave that badly,  _then make me._ "

Iida didn't make a move, and Izuku couldn't care less whether that was because of Stain's quirk or not.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Apologies for the wait. I kind of fell out the BNHA fandom, but here we are with the Stain arc! I have written some more chapters in advance, one of which I am very proud of and hope you will enjoy. I'll probably post one chapter a day, until I run out and there will be a pause as I write for the next arc.


	12. Punchline

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Deku's life must be one, big joke.

It was naive of him to think he could take on the Hero Killer by himself, but he had been unwilling to put anyone else in harm's way. He figured it would be fine; if he lost, Stain would just kill him and he was free to try again.

But he didn't. Instead, as Izuku cried for his muscles to  _move,_  the villain moved right past him, as if he hadn't even realized Izuku was there in the first place. His feet slowed and finally stopped as they found themselves in front of Iida, still on the ground. Izuku could only scream as he watched that blade plunge into his friend's neck. The other hero with them, Native, followed shortly after.

Unable to move, watching Iida's face growing ever paler as blood spurted out of his gaping mouth and open wound, was by far the worst thing Izuku had experienced during the loops. The USJ couldn't compare, because at least then he had always been able to do  _something…_ Even as he tried to look away  _(just an inch, that's all I'm begging for, just move an inch)_  he couldn't shut his ears to the wet gurgling of Iida struggling for his one, last breath.

Stain left, not even deigning his victims with a glance as he stalked off. "You're weak, but your hero's spirit is strong. Let this experience serve as a lesson: remember it, and use it to grow strong, so that next time you may save a life."

He wasn't sure what was so amusing, but a shrill laugh suddenly burst through his lips. It echoed and bounced across graffitied walls and halted the killer in his track. " _A lesson?_ You killed my friend  _for a lesson?"_  Tears streamed down his face. "You tell me to save lives,  _but what about you?"_ His fingers twitched. "I don't want to hear that from a  _murderer!"_

If Hero Killer Stain had any retort to that, Izuku didn't wait to listen. His neck cracked and windpipes crushed against impossibly strong fingers. The laughter stopped, and the alleyway fell silent.


	13. Heat

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Fire and faith.

As much as he detested the idea of putting anyone else but himself in danger, he didn't have much choice. Someone was going to get hurt no matter what he did, but he could at least increase his chances of everyone getting out of this alive.

His fingers swiped over the screen of his phone, known to him as well as the back of his own hand. It came from days since passed, when every free period at school would be spent browsing the latest hero news and forums while he waited for the day to be over.

The message was simple, only containing his location, along with his hope. He didn't have any time to elaborate, and all he could do was to keep faith as it was delivered to every last number saved in his contacts.

And when orange flames lit up the alleyway, crashing through it like a furious wave and licking the edges of his vision as it warmed his too clammy, too cold body, he could feel his hope burn with it. Only one person had answered his plea for help, but Izuku could not have asked for anyone better.

"Todoroki-kun!"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for not posting yesterday, but I didn't have the time. This one is really short, but I'm going to post a second chapter very soon! Both to make up for the shortness, and for not posting yesterday.


	14. Cold

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "You're weak."

Deku should have expected it. He should have—but he hadn't wanted to. He hadn't—

                                             _I never wanted any of this._

—wanted to.

The pride he felt as he watched Todoroki use his left side, wielding the flames like they belonged to him— _because they did, it's your power!_ —was overshadowed by pain when he watched them flicker out and die. The scarred face of the boy looked colder than ever, and Izuku hated how he could hear every sickening drop, rip and  _slice_ in the silence left after the roaring fire's wake. Of course he would get Todoroki killed. Again.

_It's not any better than the first._

And Iida. And Native.

"You're weak, but your hero's spirit is strong. Let this experience serve as a lesson: remember it, and use it to grow strong, so that next time you may save a life."

Ha, ha, ha…

_Now that's funny._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Another short one... but the next one is going to be a bit longer.


	15. Stain

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This wasn't supposed to happen.

"You're weak, but your hero's spirit is strong. Let this experience serve as a lesson: remember it, and use it to grow strong, so that next time you may save a life."

"You're weak, but your hero's spirit is strong. Let this experience serve as a lesson: remember it, and use it to grow strong, so that next time you may save a life."

"You're weak—"

"You're weak—"

"You—"

"— _save a life."_

" _Shut up!"_

Izuku couldn't listen to this again, he couldn't—

 _Again and again and again! I just want you gone already_ — _gonegonegonegonegone_ —

Restart. Reset.

"I wish you were dead."

 

* * *

 

This… was not supposed to happen. This isn't what heroes did. Right?

 _That man was going to kill them. Iida, Native, Todoroki_ —

_He deserved it._

But Izuku wasn't happy. Nor sad, or guilty. Not even angry. He just felt—

Nothing. Nothing at all.

Blood stained his pristine white gloves red, and he felt nothing. It had been so easy, it was almost funny. Here, he had fought so hard, retried so many times, but all it had taken was one punch.

His arm hung limply, a rainbow of blues, reds and purples. If he could have felt it, he bet the pain would be excruciating. But all he felt was the dead weight of an unresponding limb by his side, numb, like the rest of him.

Jade eyes stared darkly at Stain, propped up against a wall and slumped over bonelessly. Red liquid seeped into the fabric of his clothes, almost invisible against the red and blacks, which Izuku supposed was the point.

The head had been reduced into a red and pink stain on the wall, with chunks of skin, hair and splinters of bone clinging to every nearby surface, glued on with drying blood.

It was sick, but the thought was nothing more than a courtesy. Locked behind a glass wall, it pounded and shouted for him to  _listen!_ But the boy couldn't even deign himself to so much as glance in its direction, preferring to feign deafness in place of this screaming voice that spoke all too much.

"Midoriya-kun!"

He jolted into awareness when he felt a hand slam down onto his shoulder. Iida was staring at him, eyes wide, looking as if he didn't even recognize the person before him.

"You…" the broad shouldered teen swallowed heavily, looking unsure. As if he didn't know whether to pull Izuku toward him or push away. His lips opened and closed over and over again, but no words ever left. Then, in a move that must have surprised them both, the emerald boy was pulled into a tight hug. Izuku shoulder was growing wet as Iida found his head buried into the crook of his neck.

"I'm sorry… I'm sorry… I'm sorry…"

Izuku heard Iida mumble the words over and over, as he rocked both their bodies slowly back and forth. And, just like that, the walls broke and crumbled into dust as Izuku's body shook violently as sob after sob ripped through his throat painfully. It hurt, so so much, but Iida refused to let go, only clinging onto him harder.

He knew what had to be done. But, for just a moment, Izuku let himself stay like that, as each boy cried their pains out.

"I'm sorry… I'm sorry… I'm sorry…"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I can't believe Stain is fucking dead.
> 
> Someone said Izuku needed a hug. I'm not sure if this is what you meant.
> 
> I'll admit, this chapter kind of got away from me. I already planned for Izuku to kill Stain at some point, but not here. But then it happened. And then Izuku was supposed to reset out of guilt after Iida gave him this Look™, but then suddenly the boys were hugging each other and I ain't even mad. This is probably my favorite chapter thus far, tbh.


	16. BurningBurningBurning

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> He feels like he's reaching a boiling point.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the delay. I had some trouble writing this chapter. :/ But hey! At least it's my longest one yet!

"You've improved a lot since we last fought each other," Todoroki commented, staring at him with a blank expression that Izuku sincerely wished he could read. "I have to admit, I feel a bit… intimidated."

Izuku laughed nervously, his fingers curling into his hair and tugging at the strands until he felt his skin prickle in pain. "Oh, that was just the adrenaline…"

Todoroki blinked at him slowly, looking sceptical. But then, he shrugged, before training icy eyes upon the unmoving form below them. He ran his fingers over the bleeding cut on his cheek and his face scrunched up into a grimace. His offended expression forced one side of Izuku's lips to curl up in response, and he lowered his head in a poor attempt to conceal it, not looking to provoke his classmate any further.

"Could have been worse," the curly haired boy commented dryly, glancing over Todoroki's unmarked arms. The stoic teen quirked an eyebrow in response, but when no further explanation was given, returned back to the topic at hand.

"At any rate, we should find a hero, before this villain regain consciousness."

Izuku agreed with a silent nod, and Todoroki bent over to pick up one end of the rope meticulously bound around the red and black form of Hero Killer Stain, while Iida stood by the sidelines, uncharacteristically silent. Native wasn't far off, but the pro looked like he didn't quite know what to do with himself. It must be embarrassing for him, to be rescued from the clutches of a notorious serial killer by three school kids. Though the relief of still being alive probably took away most of the sting.

Gran Torino gave them an earful when he found them, as did the other pro-heroes that arrived on scene. Still, there was a hint of awe there too, barely disguised between lectures about responsibility and harsh words telling them how "lucky" they had been. "It's a miracle none of you sustained any serious injuries! You kids could have died, fighting a villain like this!"

Izuku's lips pressed into a thin line. He felt something burning beneath his skin, making him itch with the desire to rake his nails all over it, scratching and scratching until it went away. Instead, he spoke without meaning to, and regretted it as soon as the words left his stiff lips. "Iida and Native would be dead if it weren't for me."

He wasn't sure what the look the heroes gave him meant. Gran Torino frowned at him in clear disapproval, and Izuku bit the inside of his cheek hard until he tasted blood. He let out a trembling sigh and let his green eyes fall to the ground, inspecting every crack and crevice in the asphalt like it was his favorite novel.

Someone called an ambulance while another contacted the police, and Iida approached his classmates silently. Then, he bowed deeply in typical Iida-fashion, before rambling out some apology that Izuku barely had the energy to listen to. "You were both put in terrible danger because of me… I am truly sorry."

Sorry…

" _I'm sorry… I'm sorry… I'm sorry…"_

Izuku let out a loud gasp, curling in on himself as he felt a throbbing pain in his chest and a feeling of drowning so great he didn't even notice the fingers scratching at his throat in frantic and desperate gestures. And even though he continuously gulped down air like one would water, it was like vacuum in his lungs and  _he couldn't breathe_ —

He felt like he was dying.

"Midoriya!"

There was a second of confusion, where all he could hear were screams and shouts, along with a feeling of weightlessness. Another second and he realized that,  _no,_ someone was carrying him, their sharp claws digging painfully into his back as they took off with him into the sky, wings flapping loudly as they carried him off to god knows where.

Izuku didn't know who, or what, had taken him, but one look at the faces staring back up at him from the ground, twisted up in surprise, shock and horror, told him enough.

_No,_ he thought. Stain had finally been defeated, after so many tries, after so many deaths—

 

—Izuku  _couldn't_ —he  _wouldn't—_

 

_I refuse to go through that again._

 

Anger bubbled up inside of him once more, so hot that he feared it might boil him alive if he let it continue. He screamed—screamed so loud he thought he could taste copper in his mouth, loud enough to shatter his ear drums—

It wasn't a scream out of terror or fear, but one of frustration, anger,  _rage_.

 

He'd never felt a feeling so intense; it was almost frightening.

 

He screamed, and he wasn't sure when it happened,but he could feel the power of One for All coursing through his veins, mixing with the fury and hate that was devouring his insides like a black hole. He twisted in his grip, and he felt talons dig deep red lines into his back, but he couldn't care less. He lifted his arms over his head, and his fingers curled around the base of the monster's bird like feet. With practiced motions, he  _twisted,_ digging fingers deep, deep and  _deeper,_  refusing to be the first to

 

_Let._

 

_Go._

 

The thing screeched ungodly as it was forced to relinquish its grip on its victim, but Izuku held on. He continued to scream as he climbed up its body, placing himself on its back as he began to twist one of its wings, shouting words of command.

" _Let me go! Let me down! Let me DOWN, before I tear both your wings off!"_

He wrenched his curled fist for emphasis, and whether the thing actually understood him or not, it begun to lower itself ungracefully to the ground as it continued to shriek and writhe, struggling uselessly to throw Izuku off of its back.

It wasn't until it crashed stomach first into the asphalt that he deigned to relinquish his grip on the creature. He took a few tentative steps back as he fought against the anger still raging hot inside of him, breathing hard as he tried to calm down. One for All still surged through his limbs,  _with want,_ but Izuku knew he couldn't.

_Don't do it… you know you can't…_

He closed his eyes for just a moment, and when he opened them again, red and black flashed across his eyes. A familiar vision of chipped metal made him jump back, but Stain made no move for him. The sight of the lifeless noumu distressed him, for he wasn't sure if he felt relieved or not. But in tact with the bloodied sword that slid out of the monster's skull, was the pressure lifting off his mind, and he felt… he felt…

Stain was breathing just as heavily as Izuku himself, awash with anger and frustration, too immense to stay trapped within their flesh as it clawed itself screaming through their throats. The boy bit his tongue as his mouth clamped shut, making a vain attempt to beat his emotions into submission, and it took him a few seconds to realize that the villain was speaking.

"...all of this, is for the sake of a just world. I will continue to purge this world of these fraudulent heroes until they finally realize the true meaning of the word—and if they don't, this sham of a hero industry shall die with them."

_What the hell are you even talking about?_ Izuku thought, bitterly.  _In what world is murdering my friends justice?_

Stain shifted by his side, neck snapping backwards and eyes glowing red with righteous fury,  _and wasn't that just the most pathetic thing Izuku had ever seen?_

He spoke. " _Endeavor!_ The fakest of the fakes!"

_Well… even a broken clock is right twice a day._

Izuku turned around, taking in the newly arrived hero. As much as he disliked the man, he was more than happy to see him, knowing that this nightmare would finally be over. Izuku didn't know how Stain had managed to break free of his bonds in the first place—which he insisted on tying himself, checking every knot twice before he was satisfied—but the Number Two Hero should be more than enough to keep the villain detained until the police arrived to arrest him.  _And then he can rot in prison for the rest of his life_ — _with any luck, he'll realize what a horrible person he is and use his scarf as a noose to spare the world of his existence._

Izuku's eyes widened just as the thought passed.  _What_ — _what the hell did I just…?_

He shook his head, shuddered, and filed that reaction away to be analyzed at a later date. Right now…

His gaze landed on Stain. He was still standing in the same spot as before, the only difference being that his bandana had fallen off at some point, revealing a hollow space in his face where a nose should be.  _Why is he still standing here? Is he still speaking?_ Then, he looked to the heroes. They all shared the same expression of unimaginable terror, including the Number Two Hero Endeavor himself.  _What the hell are they doing? There is a villain right in front of you! How about you do your job and apprehend him already?_

His brows furrowed in confused frustration, cutting the villain off before more bullshit could spill out of his mouth. "Hey."

As the one word syllable left his mouth, it was as if some spell had been broken, but Izuku wasn't sure what it was. All he felt was the shift in atmosphere as Stain's tirade trailed off into nothingness, and the seemingly frozen heroes thawed and left whatever trance they had been put in. They all blinked in unison rather comically, looking all so very confused that it was hard not to giggle at the absurness of it.

"Shouldn't you arrest this guy or something? I mean, it is kinda your job. So maybe stop standing around there being completely useless and do something?"

And with that, whatever remnants of magic Stain held over the crowd of heroes dissolved like smoke and carried off into the wind to places unknown. Faces of terror morphed into shame and embarrassment. Maybe Izuku should feel guilty for speaking so out of turn, but honestly… right now, he couldn't give less of a shit, even if he tried.

He just wanted to go home already. Go home, so that he can scream until he can't anymore. And when his throat seizes up and his vocal chords are torn to bloody shreds, the only sound that will echo in his ears is his own shrill voice—like a fire alarm installed right behind his eardrums, ringing and ringing until it eventually falls silent, drowned and muffled by the blood filling his ear canals—his nose being assaulted by the smell of iron as it runs down his jaw, rivulets of red warming his face and dripping off of his chin like a broken tap. And then, he can't hear anything. There will be no sound, and no feeling. There will be nothing. Just—

_silence._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My boy is a n g e r y.
> 
> I like playing around with formatting when writing. I think it can really add a lot of feeling to your writing, you know? Hopefully you agree, and don't find it distracting.
> 
> Next chapter is going to be fun. There's gonna be some things I think you guys will enjoy. 8)
> 
> Also, writing this makes it sound like I hate Stain. I don't, by the way. He's one of my favorite villains in BNHA. Izuku most certainly hates him though, and can you blame him? :P


	17. What Is a Hero?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Izuku just doing what any decent person would.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh shit, look who's back.

Izuku didn't think this hospital visit was necessary, but he supposed it was only standard protocol. As expected, neither Todoroki nor Iida had received any serious injuries. ~~Izuku made sure of it.~~ The one to receive the worst of it was himself, but the red gashes on his back looked worse than they really were.

Hopefully, they could leave soon. He just wanted to go home already.  _I wonder if mom heard about what happened yet._

His mouth twisted into a grimace. It would be nice to have an invincibility quirk like Hagakure. If he did, he'd be able to disappear at a moments notice. And by the time someone finally realizes, he'd already be far, far gone.

He could feel eyes on him. Had been, for a while. It made his skin crawl, because he knew what kind of eyes those were. Curious eyes. Questioning eyes. Concerned eyes. He wanted to puke.

_Stop it. Stop looking at me. Stop caring. Why can't you just forget about me?_

He knows it should make him happy. His friends worried about him, because he was important to them. But it didn't make him happy at all, and that just made Izuku hate himself even more, because it was so  _selfish_  of him. Wallowing in his own little pity party of despair when he should be happy, because he's gotten everything he wanted. The least he could do is show some fucking appreciation.

_Look at you. You're a hero now._ _A_

_great_

_fucking_

_hero._

 

_You should give yourself a gold star, or something._

He let out a bitter laugh that caught in his throat, threatening to morph into a sob, because Izuku just couldn't keep his emotions in check it seemed. He didn't know what was so funny, but it felt like the only appropriate response to the situation.  _That's right, just laugh it up. I'm sure you'll stop hating yourself then._

When the door to hospital room holding Izuku and his two classmates clicked open, he turned his head in its direction. There stood Gran Torino, along with the hero Manual and—a man?—that Izuku didn't recognize. The stranger "woofed" in greeting, and Izuku really should have expected that, considering the person was sporting the head of a literal dog. Nonetheless, it still managed to catch him off guard. He looked to Gran Torino, but the retired hero only shook his head at his inquisitive stare.

The dog-man's name was Tsuragamae Kenji, chief of police. From the sounds of it, he was here to scold them for their unlawful quirk usage. Which  _no,_ he's totally right! They should have just let Stain kill them without even attempting to fight back. Which,  _sure_ , Izuku would have called it self-defense, but  _no,_ we must think of the  _poor, poor serial killer._ He might have gotten seriously hurt!

Izuku immediately cast a paranoid glance around the room, making sure that he didn't say any of that out loud. But when all the of attention still seemed to be focused on Tsuragamae, he let out a sigh of relief. As much as he wanted to speak up, this wasn't the time to pick a fight with the police.

"Hold on," Todoroki interrupted the lecture, furrowing his brows. "If we hadn't done anything, Iida and Native would be dead right now. Are you saying we should be punished for that?"

Izuku suddenly felt much lighter, glad he wasn't alone in his opinion. He's been filled with so many unwanted and intrusive thoughts lately, he was beginning to forget what was and wasn't appropriate. Encouraged by the elemental user, he straightened his back and added to Todoroki's words.

"Heroes are supposed to save people," he said, accusatory eyes locking onto the police chief. His insides fluttered uncomfortably, but he continued anyways. "Actually, scratch that—we should  _all_ strive to help each other, not just heroes. I don't see much difference between using a quirk to defend myself, compared to martial arts or a knife. Would you arrest me for punching a robber in the face?"

It wasn't like he didn't understand the need for quirk regulations, but if the threat of being taken into police custody was the reward for fighting tooth and nail for your own survival, there needed to be changes.

Iida jumped up from the spot on his bed to swipe his arms in Izuku's and Todoroki's direction. "Stop it, both of you! He's got a point, and your reaction is just going to make it worse for us!"

"Good grief," Tsuragamae sighed. "You're really not making this easy for me."

Izuku thinks that last part was directed at him, because the police chief shot him a somewhat disappointed look. "Quirks can be much harder to control, and cause a lot more damage, than your fists. I'd expect you to understand that better than most. Besides, I think you're both misunderstanding something here."

Todoroki looked suspicious, and Izuku shared his sentiment. He'd had enough shit thrown his way that any form of respite was immediately suspect. Still, the pair waited silently for the chief to continue before they caused any more of a commotion.

The dog-man sighed one more time, before he explained. "That was just my opinion as the police. But punishing you would only be necessary if your involvement in defeating the Hero Killer was made public knowledge." His expression turned serious as he regarded the three students, or as serious as a dog's face could look. "It's ultimately your decision. What is more important to you? The admiration of the public? Or would you rather continue to live your lives normally, with the knowledge that your role in taking down Hero Killer Stain must remain a secret?"

The chief crossed his hands behind his back and straightened his posture. "I know what I would choose. And despite what you may believe, I would rather not penalize you for taking down one of Japan's most notorious serial killers."

Now, that surprised him. The knots in his stomach loosened slightly, and Izuku peered over at Todoroki and Iida. Personally, he could care less about public opinion.  _I didn't save my friend so strangers can fawn over me._

His classmates seemed to agree, because now they were bowing their heads and voicing their gratitude. Izuku let his own head drop with them because, yes, despite his earlier outbursts, he was appreciative of what Tsuragamae was doing for them. He wasn't going to take out his bitterness on him by showing bad manners. Well, he'd try not to, at least.

_I might have to apologize to some people later, once I'm in a better mood. I've said a lot of things that I really shouldn't have._

Even if he meant every word of it.

 

* * *

 

It didn't take long before they were allowed to leave the hospital. But before they were discharged, Izuku's mother dropped by for a visit, to no surprise. What was also unsurprising was when Izuku had to reassure her at least ten times that he was  _fine,_ before she would finally stop crying. And once visiting hours were up, she ignored the nurses telling her the patients needed their rest, refusing to budge until the green haired boy had to make a promise that he would call as soon as he could leave, and head straight home afterwards. Uraraka didn't visit personally, too busy with her internship, but she did give him a call to make sure they were alright. Izuku had stared at the name displayed across his phone screen for several seconds, before finally picking up.

Uraraka bombarded him with questions, mostly about their condition and the severity of their injuries. Izuku answered to the best of his ability, silently wishing for this conversation to end already.

"You sound tired," Uraraka commented suddenly, worry evident in the tone of her voice.

"A lot happened," Izuku answered simply, shrugging of her concerns. "But it's all fine now. I'll just get some good sleep when I get home."

He refrained from telling her that there was a greater chance of him winning the lottery, than the possibility of him getting a decent night's sleep.

Iida had been unusually quiet for most of their stay. Each time Izuku peered in his direction, he seemed to be deep in thought. Izuku thought that maybe he was supposed to wait for his friend to share his feelings at his own pace, but eventually he grew tired of just staring. He stood up, made himself comfortable next to Iida on the hospital bed, and spoke.

"What are you thinking about?"

Iida blinked, caught off guard by the sudden query. "Huh?"

"You've been staring at the floor like it holds the answer to all of life's mysteries," Izuku commented, nodding toward the white linoleum. "What's on your mind?"

Iida gazed at him with a contemplative expression. There was an awkward silence, and by the time Izuku accepted that he wasn't going to receive an answer, the familiar deep timbre of his friend's voice entered his ears.

"Do you think I'd make a good hero?"

Izuku had to make a double take at that. A hollow feeling settled in his chest and he wondered,  _where is this coming from all of a sudden?_

"Of course," he answered, frowning. "Why do you ask?"

"I just…" Iida sighed, his eyes returning to their staring contest with the floor. "If it weren't for you, I'd be dead right now. When I saw the Hero Killer… I wasn't thinking rationally. I just wanted him to be punished for what he did. I didn't care how, I just know…" the boy cringed, before speaking in a low tone, almost a whisper. "I know I wanted him to  _hurt._ "

Iida carefully met his eyes, but his head remained angled downwards, almost as if he was afraid of facing his classmate fully. He looked so defeated, and Izuku felt his heart twinge in pain. Then, he asked, "Does that make me a bad person?"

Izuku grabbed his friend's hands, his scarred fingers wrapping around them in a too tight grip, like he was afraid of what would happen if he let go. His stomach felt sick. He wouldn't allow Iida to hurt like this. He  _wouldn't._

"You're not a bad person, Iida-kun," he told him, his voice containing as much strength and conviction as he could muster. He needed Iida to  _know_. He needed him to know that,  _no, you're not a bad person._ "Stain hurt someone you loved. Of course you wanted him to hurt too—don't feel bad for being human. Alright?"

"But—" Iida tugged his hands free, his gaze falling into his lap. His head dropped even lower than before as he hunched over himself, arms shaking. "That still doesn't excuse what I did. I shouldn't have confronted him alone like that… I should have just contacted Manual right away. Native and I could have died because of my selfishness."

"Iida." The dark haired boy turned to look at him. His expression was grim, overflowing with deep-seated regret and burning shame.  _This isn't right._ "Like I said—you're not a bad person. Yes, you made a mistake. Everyone makes mistakes. You, me… even All Might can't be right all the time. Your brother was put in the hospital, and the first thought when you saw the man responsible was to hurt him. And that's  _normal,_ okay?"

Iida nodded, but he still looked unconvinced. Izuku continued.

"Like you said, you weren't thinking rationally. But that doesn't make you're a bad person—anyone would have felt the same in your situation. And if they tell you they wouldn't, they're either a liar or a psychopath," Izuku took a deep breath, gathering his words, before finishing. "All you can do now is to learn from it. It's pointless trying to think of what you  _should_ , or  _could_ have done. It won't change anything, and it definitely won't make you feel better. You just need to make sure you don't make the same mistake twice."

Izuku locked eyes with his friend, emerald green meeting a royal blue. "Alright?"

It took a few moments, but eventually, Iida nodded. It was slow, unsure, but he didn't look like he was dismissing the words completely. Instead, he looked considering.  _That's good._ It would still need time to stew, but Izuku hoped his words would make the impact he was hoping for. He's not used to comforting people, aside from his mother. But for his friends, he would try. It's what a hero would do. What any decent human being would do.

"Besides," Izuku added, after a thoughtful silence. "If you're a bad person, then I must be terrible."

Iida's eyes widened in shock, and it didn't take long before his arms was waving in frantic gestures. "What are you—Midoriya-kun, you're a perfectly respectable human being! What are you even saying?"

Izuku shrugged, but his insides tingled with an indecipherable emotion. "If that's what you think, then you have nothing to worry about."

And with that, Izuku stood up sharply, before stalking back to his own bed with a calculated coolness. His skin felt prickly and it itched uncomfortably, but he ignored it. Any further queries thrown his way went unanswered as he settled back onto the mint green sheets of his bed. If he was lucky, he might be able to get some sleep before he had to return home.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I said there was going to be some exciting stuff in this chapter, but uh... the hospital scene got a lot longer than I intended, so all the fun stuff I was looking forward to will be in the next part. Whoops. But hey, watching Izuku try to be a good friend is nice too, right? Or maybe I'm just a sucker for friendship.
> 
>  
> 
> ~~I'm just gonna go ahead and add a tag for that, because this story is starting to contain a lot more friendship than I thought it would.~~


	18. Friends

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> If there was one thing Izuku did not expect, it was this.

If there was one thing Izuku didn't expect out of this whole Hero Killer business, it was this.

"Dude, why did you never tell me you were such a badass?!"

Izuku blinked in surprise, staring dumbly at Kaminari.

"Excuse me?" the word left his mouth automatically, being the first thought that entered his brain after the bizarre exclamation.

As soon as he had stepped through the classroom doors, it had felt as if every head turned in his direction simultaneously. Next he knew, his classmates were crowding around him, all with equally excited expressions on their faces. Ashido squeezed herself to the front of the throng of students, yelling gleefully.

"The Hero Killer!"

Izuku took an immediate stumbling step backwards.  _What?_ Instantly, he searched for the familiar faces of Iida and Todoroki. He couldn't imagine either of them would slip up about what occurred in that dark alley, but why else was he being hounded like this?

Todoroki sat quietly in his seat, eyes focused on the tabletop. Iida was making his way toward the group circled around Izuku, all the while waving his arms excessively and yelling about "proper classroom conduct" and to "give Midoriya-kun his personal space".

Thankfully, the words didn't go completely ignored, as the students took some short steps back, but it did nothing to kill their animated chatter. Izuku met his bespectacled friend with a questioning gaze, but Iida seemed just as bewildered as he was.

The freckled teen turned back to his classmates. He tilted his head slightly, switched his emotions off, and spoke flatly.

"I have no idea what you are talking about."

Kaminari laughed and stepped up next to him, slapping him on the back.

"Don't be like that, dude! We've all seen the video."

Izuku face grew cold as all blood left it at once. "The video?" he sputtered, alarm bells ringing in his ears. Iida went still as his attention shifted solely to Kaminari, mouth still gaping open in silent reprimands.

"Yeah!" the electric user took a step back, taking in Izuku with eyes filled with… reverence? "Stain was like, super intimidating. Scared the crap out of me. But you didn't even care! You just went 'hey', and then scolded all those heroes right after like it was nothing! Like, damn, I wish  _I_ had those kind of guts. Totally fearless."

Izuku blinked. "Oh." Another blink. Silence. "Uh…"

His tensed muscles relaxed by a tiny fraction, but his confusion remained. From the sound of it, the video Kaminari was talking about wasn't his fight with Stain. Which, now that he thinks about it, he probably should have realized. Otherwise, Todoroki and Iida would be receiving the same treatment as he was right now.

His classmates didn't seem satisfied with his reticence however, because suddenly, Ashido was in his face, sharing something on her phone.

"Look—it's all over the internet! Someone even made a forum for you!"

" _What?!_ " He promptly snatched the phone from his pink skinned acquaintance, scanning the screen in disbelief. The banner of the website read ' _Deku Fanclub_ ' in bold lettering, with the tagline ' _The fearless hero of U.A.'_ just underneath.

Izuku felt lightheaded as he scrolled through the site, his disbelief increasing with every second spent staring at the words and pictures filling the bright screen. He didn't know what to feel about this. He really didn't. Was he supposed to be happy? Maybe. Was he? He honestly had no idea. The only emotion he could currently decipher was unadulterated confusion.

"This…" he spoke, voice faltering. "This is for me…?"

"Yeah!" Ashido bounced excitedly. "Awesome, right? You're already getting famous!"

Izuku handed the phone back in silence. "I…" he hesitated. "I think I need to sit down for a moment."

He ignored the puzzled and dissatisfied cries of his classmates to collapse into his seat, staring ahead of him blankly. He couldn't think. His mind had slowed to a halt, sluggish thoughts moving like through molasses and getting lost on the way to their destination. So many swirling emotions travelled through the length of his body, making him shake with the intensely as he tried to squash them down. He didn't know what would happen if they broke free, and he was afraid to find out.

His breaths struggled to enter his lungs, caught halfway through his dry throat by the lump that had formed inside. Desperate, he pinched the skin of his wrist to calm down.  _Breathe. Breathe._ He refused to have a panic attack in the middle of the classroom. If he did, he might just force a reset out of mortification.

Two hands slammed into his desk, and Izuku leapt for the ceiling. He swear his heart just stopped, and when his eyes landed on the person in front of him, he almost wished it had.

"What the fuck is wrong with you?"

Kacchan. Of course.

It's not like he could have one good day, for once.

Izuku forcefully sucked in a breath of air, almost wheezing in the process, and it took all his courage to confront the scowling face of his childhood bully. Kacchan's features were screwed up in an expression of barely contained rage, and Izuku stared. All his facial muscles relaxed at once as he buried his emotions beneath layer upon layer of thick blankets, and all he was left with was a flat look that betrayed nothing.

"Nothing is wrong, Kacchan," he spoke, calmly. The blonde looked at him. An eyebrow twitched, and he banged his palms on the tabletop again.

"Don't fucking lie to me, Deku!" he screamed, spit flecking across freckled cheeks. The tiniest of grimaces pulled at Izuku's mouth, and with the sleeve of his uniform, he wiped the saliva off. "'Deku Fanclub'? What the fuck is this shit? And you don't even have anything to say about it?!"

"I didn't create the website, Kacchan," Izuku informed. His voice was even, and he placed his hands on his desk flatly, one over the other. He really didn't want to deal with Kacchan's explosive outbursts right now. He'd just answer the blonde's questions as impartially as possible, and hope the he'd go away. "I'm just as confused as you are."

His angry classmate was about to yell something else, when Uraraka and Iida marched up to them. They each took up a side beside their curly haired friend, Uraraka on his left, while Iida flanked his right. They wore matching serious expressions, and Kacchan's mouth snapped shut when he saw them approach. He met them with a nasty glare, hot enough to burn.

"And what the fuck do you want?" he demanded, the tips of his fingers scraping across the tabletop, curling in simmering ire.

Uraraka took a dogged step forward, undaunted. "I want you to leave Deku-kun alone."

" _Hah?_ " Kacchan laughed. "You think some chubby-cheeked extra like you is going to intimidate me?"

"This 'chubby-cheeked extra' almost defeated you during the sports festival," she pointed out, unfaced. "And it's not just me."

"She's right," Iida stated. He rested a hand on Izuku's shoulder, and straightened his back to tower over the ash blonde teen. "Now, I suggest you take a seat, before Aizawa-sensei arrive. I doubt he'd appreciate students picking fights in his classroom."

The sound of Kacchan grinding his teeth together was audible all the way from where Izuku sat, grating on the ears. The blonde's arms shook dangerously, and the green eyed boy wondered if he would have to get involved. Then, Kacchan tisked, and leaned away from the desk with an acrid expression on his face. His glowering stare looked as though it could melt steel, and Izuku folded into himself unwillingly.

"This isn't over, Deku," he said, a deadly promise for pain to come. Small beads of sweat formed on the back of Izuku's neck, and he bit the inside of his cheek, reminding himself to not be afraid.  _You're not in middle school any more._

"Actually, I think it is," Uraraka replied, a finality to her tone. "Don't ever talk to my friend again."

Kacchan actually looked surprised at that, and Izuku felt his own eyelids shoot into the back of his skull in astonishment. The classroom had grown silent, the only noise being that of a low growl in the back of a furious blonde's throat.

"And what the fuck are you looking at, huh?" he challenged, giving his silent audience a dirty look. After no one dared to make a sound, he plunged himself back into his seat without another word, slamming his chair against the floor as hard as possible.

Izuku opened his mouth, gaping. What—what just happened? Did Kacchan really just give up?

He angled his head to get a good look at both of his friends. They were still glaring at the back of his bully's head, looking as if they just smelled something rotten. Then, Iida met his eyes, and the unpleasant scowl on his face melted into a soft smile.

"If Bakugou-kun ever decides to bother you again, just know that we'll always stand beside you. So don't be afraid to ask us for anything, okay?" he spoke with such earnestness, Izuku could hardly contain the tears that threatened to spill over. But he didn't want to give Kacchan another reason to make fun of him, so with all the willpower in the world, he forced them down.

Uraraka and Iida gave him one last smile, before they returned to their desks. Izuku felt like he was floating. He imagined himself as a green balloon, soaring through the sky and resting on fluffy white clouds. It was quite a bizarre comparison, but fitting somehow. He wasn't sure if it was happiness he was feeling right now, or maybe relief. They were such foreign concepts now, to be reminded like this was almost frightening. But whatever it was—it wasn't bad. It was a nice respite from the usual black mass of doom tangled in his guts, always keeping him on his toes and worrying about the next reset. The next death.

Maybe he was proud. Not of him, but of his friends. They looked so determined, so indomitable. He knew, more than anyone, how frightening Kacchan could be when angry—and when was he not? But neither Iida, nor Uraraka, was affected by the blonde's attempts at intimidation. And that's when Izuku realized, that they would both become great heroes one day. Of course, he'd always been convinced they would. But never had he been as certain as he was now, so sure.

He thought a smile might be tugging at his face. He brought up a hand and carefully ran his fingers over the corners of his mouth just to make sure, and true enough, they were subtly arching upwards. He was glad Kacchan wasn't looking at him, for if he did, he was sure nothing would stop him from putting Izuku in his place. Not even Aizawa.

And in that moment, Izuku forgot all about his quirk. If only for a second.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Who else wanna join Deku Fanclub, raise your hand.
> 
> Wow. Just look at this chapter. It's borderline fluffy. And again, this chapter became longer than I expected. Or rather, I was planning to write some more scenes for this chapter, but then I figured it'd probably be better to just cut it off here and put it in the next part. At least I got to write Deku Fanclub, which was one of the things I was looking forward to.
> 
> And look at my babies, standing up for their friend. ;w; I'm so proud. (And since Iida has had a good amount of screen time, expect some more Uraraka in the future.)


	19. Please.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Izuku feels like he's dying.

_It's alright. You're fine. It's okay. You're fine. You're finefinefinefinefine—_

Izuku's breathing grew ever more desperate for each second that passed. His nerves had grown numb to all sensation, and not even the pain of digging his fingers into his own scalp was distinguishable in this white noise of nothingness.

He couldn't remember how he ended up here. Why he's currently sobbing into his knees, back pressed hard against the wall behind him. Why this cloud of panic was consuming him raw, like prey and its predator.

He tried to think. Searching his memories for what led him to this point, he tried to remember.

Maybe it first began when those strangers recognized him on the train. "Hey, you're that kid! Deku—right?" Or perhaps it was one of the many conversations he overheard passing by fellow U.A. students, on the way to his classroom.

"Isn't that that crazy guy? You know, from the video?"

"He's just a first year, but he's already more famous than us third years. I'm jealous."

"Why is everyone praising him? He had no right to talk to the heroes like that."

"We should totally invite him out sometime, I bet we could get into some  _crazy_  shit!"

"Hmm, marketing him to the public should be exceedingly easy; he's already gotten a jump start after that video went viral. He could make a lot of money out of this."

 

"You know, I probably should say this…  _but don't you think Stain was kind of cool too_?"

 

Izuku pulled at his hair—scratched his face—banged his head against the wall—dug his nails into his neck—bit his hand to muffle his pathetic whimpers. And he thought—

_I'm dying._

Izuku was dying. He was sure of it. This was it—he would soon forget to breathe, and he would choke on his own despair and drown in his tears. The hallway would run red with his blood as ruined nails tore open every last pore on his body—and it would be so terrible,  _so horrific_ , that even his quirk wouldn't be able to fix it.

This was it. This was the end. There'd be no more resets. Izuku had reached his final destination, and there'd be nothing left after this. No more friends, no more heroes, no more U.A., no more deaths—

And Izuku thought,

_I'm glad._

"Deku-kun!"

Abruptly, reality crashed back into Izuku all at once. His eyes flashed open—and when did he close them?—and there she was.  _Uraraka._

He suddenly remembered everything. Everything that happened since he discovered his original quirk, and it flitted across his retinas in a blaze of motion and agony. Like fast forwarding through a horror movie at full speed.

The sensory overload of sound and moving images alone was enough to make him flinch, his skull bursting open in a splitting headache. The shock and pain enough to break him out of his hurricane of panic, but seeing Uraraka there just sent him into another spiral of hysteria, because  _she saw,_  she

 _s_  
_a  
__w._

He wanted to speak. He tried to, tried so hard to get a word past his taut lips. He  _needed_ to  _speak._  But he couldn't—he couldn't, he  _couldn't._ The only thing he could do was to shake, shake and tremble and  _cry_ —and how ugly he must look like this.  _How pitiful_. Uraraka must be so embarrassed, knowing that her friend was this weak. That  _this_ was her friend.

But—

"Deku-kun," she sounded so sad, so worried. Izuku wanted to know what kind of expression she was making, but his vision was too blurry to make anything out, other than the beige and brown blob of color floating in front of him. "You didn't come to class. We were so worried—even Aizawa-sensei, though he tried to hide it. He told me to go look for you."

She crouched in front of him, cupping the side of his head softly. She moved so slow, and touched him so carefully. Like she was afraid he might break otherwise, like fine glass. And Izuku thought, she might be right.

"I'm sorry," she apologized, but Izuku couldn't understand  _why_. He wanted to ask, but his body refused to follow his instructions. He hated it.  _Hated_ it. Then, he felt a circle of warmth around him, as if someone was hugging him. And it felt so safe, so soft. It was scary. He was scared.  _Frightened._

"I don't know what to do," Uraraka murmured into his ear. "I'm so sorry. We should have done something earlier. And I'm sorry I don't know how to help you. But please—try to breathe with me, alright?"

Izuku could feel Uraraka's chest moving against him. It expanded and compressed at a steady pace, so calm and peaceful. Subconsciously, he copied her motions, moving in time with the serene breaths of his friend. Slowly, she started to rock his body back and forth in calming motions, and the violent rattles of his body was gradually lulled into a light shiver. His sobs transformed into soft gasps, barely audible, and his eyes slowly dried as the constant flow of tears ebbed away.

But Uraraka didn't let go of him. Her grip relaxed, but she still held him close, wiping tears away with the sleeve of her uniform. She smiled at him, but it didn't hide the sadness held within her eyes.

"How are you feeling?" she asked, and it took a while before Izuku could answer. He swallowed, hating how dry and raspy his throat felt as he spoke.

"I—I'm fine. Thank you."

Uraraka's mouth turned into a soft frown. "Deku-kun... please tell me. How are you really feeling?"

"Huh?" Izuku blinked at her. "I—I'm not sure what you…"

"Please," she pleaded. Her chocolate brown eyes glistened with unshed tears, and Izuku felt like the worst person in existence. "I know you're not fine. Iida knows it too, and All Might… we all know it. I know it's not what you want to hear, but we can't help it. I know you don't want us to worry, but we care about you, you know? We can't not worry."

She pulled him in for another hug, and whispered. "We all just want you to be happy…"

A new wave of tears washed over Izuku, and he wept his woes into Uraraka's shoulder. "Why…" he sniffled. "I don't get it…"

The usually bubbly girl ran gentle fingers through his curled strands, soothing the lingering ache of his tender roots. "It's because you're kind, selfless, brave and understanding… and I know you'd do anything to protect those you care about."

She pulled away from him, just a bit. She locked eyes with his, before proclaiming, "How could we not love someone like that?"

Izuku's eyes widened. "That's not…" he muttered, quietly. "That's not me."

"You're the only one who thinks that, Deku-kun," Uraraka promised, with eyes so gentle, it made Izuku's heart ache. "But I know that's not true. We all know it. And you know I would never lie to you, right?"

"I…" Izuku averted his gaze. "Of course not, you'd never… But still, you're—"

"Deku-kun," she cut him off, and Izuku flinched. There was that stubborness in her tone that was just  _so Uraraka._ No matter what he said now, he knew he could never change her mind. "I won't ever let anyone hurt you. Not even if that person is yourself." She was silent for a moment, before adding with just the tiniest hint of hesitation in her voice, "I think it would be good if you had someone to talk to."

Talk? For some reason, Izuku didn't think she meant with her.

"You mean a therapist, right?" he spoke, sounding much more bitter than he intended. He didn't know why the thought seemed so unattractive to him, but he knew he didn't like where this conversation was going. Maybe it was because if he did agree with her, and if he did go, it would be like broadcasting to the entire world that,  _hey! This kid has some serious problems! And look, he can't even solve them on his own._

Uraraka bit her lip. "Yes," she said, looking unsure for a second, before it morphed into steely determination. "I can tell by your expression that you're already against it. But please— _please._ I can't just stand by here and do nothing while you continue to get worse and worse. What kind of friend would I be then? What kind of  _hero?_ I— _we_ won't be able to stop worrying about you unless we know you have someone that can help you. Someone who knows what you need. So please,  _please…_ at least give it a chance, won't you? If you're worrying about expenses or anything, I'm sure the school would be willing to provide. And if not them, I'm positive All Might would do anything in his power to make sure his favorite pupil is alright."

Izuku's face grew red, and he sputtered. "Favorite pupil?! T-that's—"

"Completely true, and I can't say I blame him. And if you agree, don't beat yourself up because you feel like a leech by having someone else pay for you. We're doing this because we  _want_ to help you, not because it's some sort of obligation."

Izuku fell silent at that. He really didn't want to talk about his problems with some stranger, but—

But if it would make his friends feel better… if they could finally stop worrying. Then… Then…

"Alright," he nodded, praying that he wouldn't come to regret this decision down the lane. "I'll do it."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And once more, the chapter became longer than I intended. What's up with that? Well, I promised more Uraraka, and here she is! Oh boy. Our poor little sunshine child isn't looking to good though.
> 
> Edit: alright, I had to change up the formatting a bit for one part. It's nothing major, but I realized that while it looks fine on a computer screen, it looks pretty weird if you read on the phone. I'm not a 100% fan of the change I had to make, and it will still probably look a bit weird on the phone, but it should look a little better.


	20. The Truth

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Izuku meets his therapist.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A short on this time. I'm probably gonna update You'd Be Surprised before I post the next chapter of this.

To say Izuku was nervous about the first appointment with his therapist would be an understatement. He had to rise from his chair to take short walks across the waiting room numerous times, just because he couldn't stop squirming.

Eventually, his name was called. Inhaling deeply, he followed a tall woman waiting for him down a corridor and into a secluded room. It was fairly sparse, with minimalist design and soft colors. His therapist sat down in a mossy green chair next to a small table, and Izuku followed suit by taking the seat across from her.

She introduced herself as Kyuusai Honshitsu. This was the woman who was supposed to help him, but Izuku wondered how. She seemed nice enough, with a welcoming aura of sympathy. But there's no way she could care about all her patients like he was supposed to believe, especially someone she'd just met. Right?

Well. He wasn't here for himself in the first place, so he supposed it didn't matter. If this was what it took for people to finally stop asking him about his well being, he'd go to every meeting.

Kyuusai started their session by asking a bunch of questions, trying to determine what Izuku needed help with. He answered them all, some more hesitatingly then others. And for every answer she received, she would jot something down in a little notebook of hers. He wondered what it would say by the end of this.

_Beyond hope._

By some point, Izuku must have zoned out, because Kyuusai was now calling for his attention.

"Midoriya-san?"

Izuku's pupils contracted as he regained his focus. "Y-yes?" he stuttered, wondering for just how long Dr. Kyuusai had been calling his name.

"I was wondering if there was anything on your mind that you would like to discuss," she tapped her pen on the scribbled pages of her pad. Her eyes shone with acceptance and quiet reassurances, but Izuku still couldn't shake off his doubts. It would have made him feel guilty, because she really did look like she wanted to help him, but he was getting sick of living life in an unending state of self-blame.

"No… there's nothing," he settled for, after a moment's contemplation. But Kyuusai didn't look convinced.

"I can't force you to talk about something that makes you uncomfortable," she began. "but I would like to remind you of our doctor-patient confidentiality… Anything you say to me won't ever leave this room, unless I have your explicit permission. The only exception would be if I believe you are a threat to yourself or others, in which case I can only tell the person you're threatening, or someone that can ensure your safety."

A threat to himself… does it count if he's going to come back to life, anyways?

But…

"You wouldn't believe me, even if I told you," he muttered, smiling bitterly to himself.

"My job is to listen, not tell you you're wrong," she returned, resting the notepad in her lap. "It is clear that this is something which affect you deeply. And whether I believe you or not, sharing whatever is on your mind could still help ease your burden. I'm not here to judge you, Midoriya-san. I'm here to help."

There were those eyes again. Izuku exhaled deeply—he knew she wouldn't believe him. She wouldn't. But, even so…

_Anything you say to me won't ever leave this room._

Maybe, it doesn't matter what she believes. Maybe, all he needs is to…  _let it out._

"Well, there is one thing…" he put his elbows on the table and leaned forward, locking her eyes with his. His face eased into a neutral expression that foretold of nothing, and Dr. Kuusai's eyebrows rose just a fraction, appearing intrigued. Then,

"I can't die."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well, strictly speaking, Izuku can die but... Honestly, I just wanted to end this chapter with a dramatic one-liner. Besides, it's more or less true anyways.
> 
> And yeah, I'm using a minor OC, but she won't be making more appearances than necessary. We probably won't see too much of Izuku's therapy sessions, but lordy, I just needed him to tell _someone_ about his quirk already.
> 
> I would also like to thank sondrex76 for pointing out any grammatical errors. :) I always proof read my stories before posting them, but it seems like at least one mistake always manages to sneak through...


	21. It Will Be Fine

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> If he says it enough times, it must be true.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know I said I would be updating my other fic before this, but I didn't want to leave you with that cliffhanger for too long.

Izuku crashed down on the roof much rougher than he would have liked, but when he angled his head upwards, he was greeted by the proud and blinding smile of All Might.

"Very impressive, young Midoriya! You really left your classmates in the dust."

Surprised, Izuku bent his head over his shoulder to see the other students still struggling to catch up. Sero was the closest, but he still had about a quarter of the obstacle course left before the finish line.

"Ah… I didn't even notice," he muttered, and All Might laughed heartily. Then, before Sero could join them, the hero leaned in and spoke quietly.

"Come meet me in my office after this lesson ends. There's something important I need to talk to you about."

Izuku froze.  _Important?_ His head filled with thousand different ideas of what that could mean, and none of them pleasant. But there was one thought that stood out more than the rest; a terrible, terrible thing that  _couldn't happen._ It flooded his stomach with enough anxiety that Izuku wouldn't be surprised if it burst right open, like a balloon with too much air.

For the rest of that day, all the way until Izuku entered All Might office, the sound of his feet hitting the floor rang through his head like a death knell. He was walking to his own execution, and all he wanted to do was to run away. His guts felt like they were crawling with bugs, and the only consolation was the mantra in his head promising him everything would be alright.

 _It will be fine,_ it sounded, over and over again until he could almost believe it. His head pounded in tact with his beating heart, and he watched helplessly as his hand pulled towards the door handle that would take him to his death. He felt possessed, his body moving all on its own and he just wanted to  _scream_ —to pull away and just  _run,_ run and run until his legs gave out under him, never to return.

But he didn't.

The door clicked open.

 

* * *

 

" _I can't die._ "

To be honest, Izuku wasn't sure what kind of reaction he expected from that statement. Perhaps it was for Dr. Kyuusai to give him a look that said he had lost his mind, but then again, such outlandish claims must be nothing new in her profession. Maybe he expected her to look at him with pity,  _pity for the poor boy who can't tell fantasy from reality._

(And he wondered, if any of her other patients had ever claimed to be immortal. And he wondered, how many of those were speaking the truth.)

But whatever he might had been expecting, it didn't come. When he looked into Dr. Kyuusai's deep blue eyes, there was no pity. No sadness or confusion or whatever other emotion one could possibly expect; her gaze was impressively neutral as she added something new to her little notebook, before putting it down in her lap and observing him with a face that never betrayed a thought.

"You can't die?" she repeated, lacing her fingers together over lined sheets of paper. From the way she phrased her question, you would normally expect a tone of scepticism or condescension. But all he found was a quiet curiosity, asking him to elaborate.

Stray thoughts from earlier was still crammed into his head, swirling through it at double speed like an icy blizzard, but he felt surprisingly calm as he mulled over his options. He knew that from now on, he was playing a careful game of truths and omissions. He needed to choose his words carefully, phrasing his sentences in a way that wouldn't set the doctor's alarm bells ringing.

 _I can't die,_ he chanted.  _I can't die_ — _because when I do, I just come back._

But he couldn't tell her that. Never mind the fact she would think he was insane, she might deem him a danger to himself.

" _Please,_ " Uraraka's voice echoed in his head, voice cracking at the last octave as she pleaded for his sake.

_But I can't lie either._

He needed to thread carefully; one misplaced word could mean a trip to the psych ward. He couldn't let that happen, he  _refused_ to let that happen. Gods knew his friends worried about him enough as it was. But—he filled his lungs with a mouthful of air, feeling his heart rate slow, until all he knew was still placidity. It would be fine.  _He_ would be fine—because even if he messed up, even if he said the wrong thing, even  _if if if…_  He would always have his fail safe. He just had to keep trying, until he got it just right.  _There was nothing he couldn't fix._

"It's my quirk," he began. It was an oddly neutral statement, but one that also opened a whole new can of questions simultaneously. He knew what his official quirk registration papers said, but he didn't know if his therapist had access to it as well. Still, admitting that he possessed two quirks rather than coming up with some amazing lie as to how he obtained the magical power of immortality, the choice was obvious. Besides, it wasn't like she could force any information about One for All out of him.

_It will be fine._

"It prevents me from dying. Or rather—it won't let me stay dead," it was a risky move on his part, to admit that he had, in fact, died at least once before. But it wasn't incriminating enough to force Dr. Kyuusai to breach his right of confidentiality. "No one knows about this power aside from me, and I'm not planning on telling anyone either."

Kyuusai hummed, tapping a long nail against the side of her mechanical pencil. "I can understand why you would want keep something like that to yourself," she hummed, before her impassive expression took on a more serious note. "It can't have been a pleasant experience when you first discovered it. Your survival was left to a game of luck, and if not for your quirk you would have been dead right now. It must be frightening."

"It is," Izuku nodded. He leaned in closer to the doctor, his voice dropping a few decibels as if he was afraid someone might overhear. "Everytime I die I wonder, 'Is this the end?' I don't know if there's a limit to how many times my quirk work, or if there are any conditions I need to meet to activate it that I don't know about, but have been lucky to fulfill thus far. Yet, before I even have time to finish my thought, I'm back. But you know what is the most frightening of it all?"

Dr. Kyuusai said nothing, waiting for him to give the answer to his own question.

"It's not knowing if this will ever end. If I will continue to live like this forever, because my quirk  _won't let me die._ "

Izuku belatedly realized that every part of his body had broken out in violent trembles, and the only air that could enter his lungs were from the quick, gasping breaths he so desperately took. He felt so calm earlier, he never even noticed how worked up he'd became. And yet, he couldn't find it in himself to regret his words. It felt good; finally allowing his feelings and thoughts spill free without needing to spare a thought to how this would affect the people around him. The woman observing him had moved from tapping her pencil to the block of lined paper resting under her palms, and she asked,

"Do you want to die?"

Now that was a loaded question, wasn't it? But Izuku spent a surprisingly little amount of time to come up with the answer. Because as confusing as his never ending hurricane of mixing emotions and conflicting thoughts could be, it was clear as day.

"No."

And it was the truth. No matter the dark, miserable places his thoughts oh-so often found themselves in—no matter the pain and fear and  _anger_ that was forced into his brain, he knew. Even if there was times when he just wanted to stop existing all together,  _he knew._

Because the thought of dying was  _terrifying._ To think of that one second of darkness that always preceded any of his resets sent frozen spikes of all consuming fear through his spine, impaling his heart and lungs and spreading throughout his body like cold tendrils of pure dread.

For all he acted like it didn't matter anymore,  _he didn't want to die._ Perhaps if you asked him the same question a few months earlier, the answer might have been yes. But not now; not when he'd met such fantastic people; people that  _believed_ in him, people who  _wanted_ him around. And not now, when he'd seen those same people die, for no reason other than to satisfy some sick fucker and his twisted ideals.

He caught a glimpse of Dr. Kyuusai scratching something down in her notebook as he snapped back into reality. Finishing up with a flick of her wrist, her free hand landed on the round table top separating the two, palm up and waiting. Izuku was confused for all but one second, before she explained.

"My quirk is called Empathy. It contains two components: the first being that I emit a constant aura of receptivity, which you may or may not have noticed. I'm unable to turn it off, but it's useful for making my patients comfortable and allows them to open up more easily.

"The second component is a bit more invasive, which is why I will ask for your permission before I use it. If I touch someone and focus, I can feel their emotions as if they were my own. I can't read your mind, and you won't notice a thing. But it will help me gain a deeper understanding of your feelings, and I have found it very useful for aiding patients in the past. Some emotions just cannot be put into words, but if you'd let me, you won't have to try."

Izuku's fingers twitched out of habit, and he was overcome with a strong desire to write down everything she just told him. Feeling somewhat uncertain, he asked, "Um, so how does it work exactly? You just feel what I do right now?"

"Try to think of all the things that bothers you. When you're ready, place your hand in mine. If that makes you uncomfortable, I could touch your arm or head instead. I know some patients prefer that. So long as skin contact is made, no matter how little, my quirk can be activated."

"Ah, no, that's alright," Izuku waved his arms dismissively. Then, he considered what she just told him. Think of what bothers him? That's a very broad category. There's so many things, and not all of which stems from his quirk. Old memories from his days before he entered U.A. emerged unbidden, with burning words and fists and a quirk specialist telling his mother that her son was probably quirkless. And if he wasn't, he might as well be.

_A leap of faith._

But that's not why he was here. Those were old problems for another day; it could wait.

_It will be fine._

He thought of U.A.'s entrance exam. It was the first time he'd ever seen another person die, but it was so long ago now, he couldn't even remember what it felt like. He thought of the USJ, and how he thought it would never end. Just an endless cycle of death and tears, for the rest of eternity. He thought of Stain, of the anger that took form inside of him like an uncontrollable creature, its ugly black silhouette suspiciously similar to that of the winged noumu he'd threatened to mutilate.

And he thought of Uraraka. Of Iida, of All Might, and even of Todoroki. One by one, his classmates and teachers scrolled across his retinas, before coming to a stop at the last person. She stared at him with big, tearful eyes and sobbed.

" _Izuku._ "

And oh, how many times had he heard his mom cry like that? As years passed, the word began to lose its meaning, until it was more of a sob than a proper name. Just hearing it once was had been one time too much, and he would do anything he possibly could to never hear it again.

All these thoughts, all the things he had felt since he realized his hidden power, he summoned to the front of his mind. With a newfound determination, he put his hand in Dr. Kyuusai's, nodding in confirmation. "I'm ready."

She returned his gesture, and her eyes slipped closed as her facial muscles scrunched up in a look of deep concentration. But not even a second passed, before she pulled her hand away as if burnt. A hiss slipped through her teeth, and for the one instant their eyes met, Izuku saw a cold, deep horror reflecting of the dark blue of her irises. The next second it was gone, disappearing just as quickly as it came. Her face quickly schooled into a professional expression of indifference, while her hand returned to her lap as she straightened her back in some attempt of forced composure.

"Um—"

"I think I understand now," the doctor took a deep breath, and Izuku let his eyes travel down to land on the white knuckled grip of her mess of tangled fingers, curling around each other much too tight to look comfortable. They were shaking. "It's a good thing you're here, and it was very brave of you to allow me a glimpse of your emotions. I'm not going to mince words; there are a lot of things we need to work on. And while I have a feeling you may not believe me, Midoriya-san—" she paused, and slowly, her fingers begun to relax. "You're not beyond hope. And I promise—you aren't going to feel like this forever."

 

* * *

 

Izuku didn't want to believe his trust had been betrayed but, in all of that, did he make a mistake? Was it something he said, or something she felt?

Should he have reset after all?

Was it still too late?

"Young Midoriya."

Izuku jumped when he heard the familiar voice calling for him. And there he was, the skeleton form of All Might waiting for him in all his glory.  _His executioner_. And there was no more time for speculation or theorizing, because whatever came, came.

"All Might," he returned as he made for an empty chair, dragging every step out for as long as possible, eyes glued to the hero already seated in front of him. Too soon, he reached his destination, his teacher leisurely crossing his long fingers over each other, one after the other. A heavy atmosphere fell over the room, and pin pricks of sweat dampened the back of Izuku's neck as he awaited his verdict. And then, just as he thought he was going to go insane from anticipation, All Might spoke.

"It's time I told you about All for One."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You know, sometimes I wonder if I'm making Izuku too dramatic. Then I look back at all the shit I've put him through and think, _maybe not._
> 
> Also, I would like to ask, because this has been bothering me a while, but do you think my writing have gotten better or worse? Neither? I dunno, I'm just worried my writing is actually getting worse as I progress, but that might just be me being overly critical. If you think it's gotten worse, I would appreciate it if you'd tell me why, so I can hopefully fix it.


	22. Declaration

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bakugou decides.
> 
> Izuku refuse.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I totally recommend listening to the [Far Cry 3 OST](https://youtu.be/OQzb1KGfCPs?list=PLu6_FOgZp3ei3FFLhapP2dRblZsCofQkH) while reading this story, because it goes really well. In fact, I was listening to it a bunch while writing.
> 
> Also, I would like to thank everyone who answered my question last time. :) I know I can be overly critical of myself, so I thought it was just best to ask what you guys think. I'm glad to see that you either seem to think the quality has stayed consistent, or even better. Don't be afraid to tell me if it ever changes though! (Maybe wait if it's just one chapter though, because it might just be that one chapter that sucks. :P)

Izuku stared into All Might's eyes, and realized something important. Something no one could understand but him.

" _This man, this evil… I'm sure you too will have to fight him one day,_ " All Might had said, something akin to shame and regret in his eyes. " _It's what it means to be a wielder of One for All. It's true purpose, to defeat the greatest evil of mankind._ "

All Might chose him. The strongest hero put his faith in a quirkless boy, because he believed in him. And Izuku realized then, that out the billions of people on earth, there was no better choice. No one a more perfect vessel to wield One for All and defeat the greatest villain to exist, than him. Every hero and heroine that had come before him had failed, but Izuku knew, with a one hundred percent certainty, that All for One would end with him.

Because Midoriya Izuku couldn't fail.

Because Midoriya Izuku couldn't die.

 

* * *

 

The end-of-the-term test was approaching, and the fact that it had only been three months since Izuku entered the gates of U.A., donning his school uniform for the first time, hit him like a sack of bricks. It felt like a lifetime ago now—actually, make that several. The Midoriya Izuku from back then was little more than a fading memory by this point, and the first fourteen years of his life was like viewing a video filmed with a camera out of focus, only consisting of featureless and blurry swathes of color. They might as well belong to someone else. Only key parts of his childhood could still be made out clearly, and most of them, he'd rather not remember at all.

Mustering up energy to study was a challenge. Homework seemed much less important when you've watched yourself and everyone around you die a hundred times over, but Izuku didn't want his quirk to affect his life any more than it already had.  _Let's not add a failed written exam to the top of my problems._

There was a practical part as well, but he didn't have enough information about it to worry about it properly. He just had to handle it as it came, like with so many things these days it seemed.

He had been mumbling to himself, but grew quiet when he heard his name called. It was in a sneering tone that was all too familiar to him, and the screeching noise of chair legs scraping against the floor stung his ear drums as Uraraka and Iida rose from their seats as one, looking at Bakugou like vipers, ready to strike at a moment's notice.

Kacchan was glaring at Izuku, but made no move to approach. And ah—the blonde boy must have been talking about something, but Izuku had been too wrapped up in his thoughts to catch any of it. Thankfully, it didn't look like the hot blooded teen expected an answer, as he opened his mouth once more and spoke, loud enough for anyone to hear.

"I dunno what the fuck is wrong with you," he began, red eyes boring into Izuku as if he was trying to solve a very frustrating puzzle, and failing to boot. "You've been acting even creepier than usual, but it doesn't matter. You're still an annoying shitrag, and you always will be. No matter what weird shit you've been up to, I'm still gonna beat your score into the fucking ground on the end term exam. You hear that?!" He flung an accusing finger toward Todoroki, who had been observing the exchange in silence up to this point. "You too, asshole! Both of you are fucking dead!"

And with that declaration, he stomped out of the classroom, kicking chairs and desks along the way. Iida and Uraraka watched like hawks, all the way until Kacchan slammed the door shut behind him with a  _bang_ , and they relaxed.

"Oh man, I feel like I haven't seen that Bakugou for a while," Kirishima commented, rubbing the back of his skull and looking uncomfortable.

"Really?" Izuku wondered, looking curiously to the classroom exit. "Seems like the usual Kacchan to me." He paused for a second, thinking. Then, in a moment of liberating boldness, proclaimed, "He's wrong though. Because I'm gonna beat him."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Izuku is too jaded to deal with Bakugou's bitch fits.
> 
> Kind of a boring chapter, but it's just a set up for the next one. And oh boy, is next chapter gonna be... exciting. >:3c


	23. End-of-Term

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Wonder Duo.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I was so excited after last chapter, that I finished the next one and wrote a good portion of the one after that. I was gonna publish this yesterday, but I felt kinda shitty and was too tired to proofread and edit it. But now it's here! Yay! :D

Midoriya Izuku would curse the gods, but he already knew the world hated him.

Kacchan glared at him, like he was wont to do, and Izuku couldn't help the exasperated " _Really?_ " that left his mouth.

Kacchan's glare deepened.

"Yes, really," Aizawa affirmed with a deep suffering sigh. "For the practical exam, the two of you will be paired together as a team. And as for your opponent…"

"That would be me!" a loud voice boomed, and Izuku didn't even need to look to know who it belonged to. Because really, there was probably no person on earth (or at least Japan) who  _didn't_ recognize that voice. Again, he repeated, " _Really?_ "

All Might laughed, but Izuku didn't find the situation very amusing. He glanced toward Kacchan, and he could already see the disaster coming a mile away. But arguing with his teachers would do him little good, so like with everything else, he just had to accept it. Besides, there were far more precious things he could spend his time and attention on.

"Whatever," the tired boy shrugged. "Let's just get this over with."

Kacchan knocked his shoulder into his. "That's my line, shitbag."

 _Right,_ Izuku thought.  _As if Kacchan would cooperate so easily._

 

* * *

 

Fight or flight. Run or stay. Those were the two choices left before them, and knowing Kacchan, he would most likely only leave Izuku with one viable option.

If they stayed, they would have to fight All Might. But even with the heavy weights the hero had strapped onto his form to give his students a smidgen of a chance, there was no way they could win, if only for the simple reason that Kacchan wouldn't let them. Because the first thing he would do once the test started would be to run off on his own, ignoring Izuku completely.

Because Kacchan doesn't need help. Because Kacchan can do everything by himself. Because only weaklings have to rely on other people.

_How petulant._

Maybe together, with a well thought out plan and perfect execution, they could do it. They're both smart people, and certainly not weak by any means. Of course, the likelihood of Kacchan listening to a word he said was close to zero.

Which only left running. But, if Izuku is one thing, it's stubborn. He wouldn't give up without even trying.

"Kacc—"

"Shut it," Kacchan kept on walking, not even once looking in Izuku's direction, "and fuck off. I don't need you around to weigh me down."

"You think you can take on All Might by yourself?" Izuku raised an eyebrow, because honestly, even Kacchan must realize how ridiculous that sounds.

"I'll keep dodging his attacks until he gets tired,"  _or not,_ "and then, I'll knock him the fuck out the second his guard is down."

Izuku blinked, because that was truly one of the stupidest things he had ever heard. Kacchan was smarter than this,  _Izuku knew he was._ But it seemed like just the mere presence of Deku was enough to blind his bully to everything that wasn't showing off how much stronger and better he was compared to him.

"Kacchan," Izuku said. "Are you an idiot?"

He felt the fist coming before he saw it. The air shifted, and his back pitched backwards on its own, but he wasn't quite fast enough. He avoided the worst of the damage, but the tip of his chin still got clipped painfully, and he hissed on reflex.

Before he could lose his balance and fall on his ass, he spun on his heel while his other foot shot out and moved at blinding speed. It cut effortlessly through the air in an arc, only slowing when it impacted with something soft and human, but Izuku wasn't done yet. The momentum continued to carry him forwards, pulling the weight on the dorsum of his foot with him, all the way until it  _slammed_ down into the ground.

Kacchan's head bounced off the hard surface of the floor, and Izuku screamed. " _What the hell is wrong with you?_ "

Kacchan took a few seconds to recuperate, but Izuku wasn't going to give him a chance to retaliate. He put a foot to the blonde's chest and held him there, hard emerald eyes staring him down.

" _Get the fuck off of me!_ " the blonde screamed, letting an explosion off against Izuku's ankle. It hurt, enough to make anyone flinch, but Izuku was too pissed to give Kacchan that kind of satisfaction. Instead, he just continued to stare, never letting his eyes leave his target.

"Is this it? Is this really how you plan to live out the rest of your life?" he spoke, as calm and chilly as ice. "You think you can just punch your way out of every problem, is that it? Of course you do. No one's ever showed you otherwise, have they?" Izuku leaned in, eyes aglow with an uncanny callousness. "But let me tell you a secret: out there, in the real world, if you continue the way you are right now… you'll be dead and dirt before you know it. Wanna know why?"

Kacchan didn't make a sound.

"Because you're never going to ask anyone for help. You'd rather die, and that's exactly what's going to happen," Izuku finally retrieved his foot, letting the explosive boy free. "But sure, if that's what you want, go ahead. Go die. After all, no one's gonna save you."

He didn't mean that. Izuku knew, that despite how much Kacchan hurt him, he'd still be there. Even if Kacchan screamed at him to  _leave_ and  _go away_ ; even if Kacchan blew off his limbs one by one, he'd still be there. Because Midoriya Izuku didn't know how to stop caring, but  _God,_ he wished he could.

Caring only got you hurt, especially when the person you cared about couldn't give less of a shit about what happened to you. When that person tell you to kill yourself, and abuse you with words and fists until you wonder if maybe, he's right.

Izuku would die for Kacchan. But that didn't mean he didn't take sick satisfaction in the shocked expression directed at him, because  _God,_ it was just  _so perfect._ The white of Kacchan's eyes on perfect display, shrunken pupils that  _couldn't look away_ , a mouth that had lost its permanent scowl in favor of the slight gape that showed off those perfect white teeth.

It filled Izuku with a sort of giddiness he hadn't felt in a long time, and it took his all to hide the grin that just  _begged_ to spring free.  _Serves him right,_ he thought, head alight with a heady intoxication of pure adrenaline.  _Let's see how you feel, to be on the receiving end for once._

Izuku cared. All too much, he cared. With all his soul and being— _so so much_ that it was eating him alive, he cared.

But let Kacchan believe he didn't.

Kacchan's mouth moved. Quietly, almost like he was afraid, he spoke. "What's wrong with you?"

Then, his words were drowned out in a sea of noise and smoke. Izuku's feet lifted of the ground, and he and Kacchan flew through the air like lifeless dolls as wind carried them far and fast, slamming them  _down_ and into the ground as gravity did its work.

"Brace yourselves and pray," a deafeningly loud voice thundered across the battlefield, "for I am here."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Izuku delivers the swift kick of justice.
> 
> Oh boy. Writing this was so much fun. I actually wrote the Deku-Kacchan Discourse™ a while back, and I gotta say... writing the fun parts of the story before I go back and add the more boring parts really help motivate me to finish the chapter, because I just want to publish it already. Anyways... I hope you enjoy reading this as much as I enjoyed writing it. >:3c My my, next chapter sure is gonna be fun!


	24. Determination

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Izuku wants to win.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ya'll ready for this? ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

Everything happened so fast, Izuku barely had time to register it. As soon as they hit the ground, Kacchan was already on the offensive. His attention honed in on All Might, and with a feint and a surprise attack, it almost looked like he could make it.

He didn't.

Before either boy could blink, All Might had already countered the attack, and Kacchan was back on the ground. Izuku had no doubt who would be next, when All Might ominously and deliberately turned his powerful body in his direction.

"Are you going to fight?" he smiled, but there was no kindness behind it. "Or will you abandon your friend and run?"

It was tempting,  _so fucking tempting_ to just bolt and leave Kacchan with this mess he was so keen to get himself into. And it wasn't like all those other times—he  _could_ run, and Kacchan would be fine. Perhaps a few bruises, some broken bones at most,  _but he would be fine._

Because All Might was no real villain, as much as he tried to play the part. Because Izuku had  _seen_ what real villains do, and it's a kind of evil no one who didn't truly mean it could emulate.

But, in the end, the instincts which had been so painfully beaten into him with each additional reset he had to endure won out. He could run, but if the only way Izuku could win this was by leaving someone behind, he didn't want to. Don't misunderstand, it wasn't that he felt some kind of obligation toward Kacchan to stay. Rather, with the loud mouthed blonde by his side or not, Izuku had already made his decision.

Because he knew, that sooner or later, he would have to face a foe stronger than a weakened All Might playing pretend bad guy. And unlike his teacher, they weren't going to hold back. And they sure as hell wouldn't show any mercy.

So, he stayed. Even if it meant he would fail the exam, he stayed. For there were worse things out there than a bad grade and his idol's disappointment.

"As if," he bit out scornfully, the power of One for All lighting up the dusty battlefield with hues of bright green. Charging All Might head on was out of the question—Kacchan tried, and despite his rather (admittedly) clever tactic, All Might had countered it with minimal effort.

If Izuku wanted to win, he needed to be smart. Smarter than Kacchan, and smarter than All Might.

For the moment, he dashed backwards, just as Kacchan flew over his head with a series of explosions launching him forward, like a malfunctioning rocketship. And this, despite Kacchan's best intentions, left Izuku with a opportunity too perfect, he'd be damned if he missed it.

Not unexpected, All Might made quick work of the explosive user's frontal assault. The blonde had attempted another faint, before thrusting a hand downwards and with a  _boom,_ launched himself into the air in an attempt to catch the pretend-villain in the back. It reminded Izuku of their first battle trial, when Izuku had played the hero and Kacchan the villain, except this time, it wasn't as successful. Because All Might was the Number One Hero, not just some Deku.

All Might ducked the explosion that flew overhead, singing a few of his golden blond strands, before grabbing a hold of the attacking teen's wrist and flung him to the side like dirty laundry. When his attention turned back to Izuku, the boy was nowhere to be found.

"Did the little hero run after all?" he questioned out loud, scratching his chin. "That doesn't seem right…"

His head snapped to the right, smashing the huge slab of concrete coming his way just in time before it could cause any damage.

"Smart, but you're going to have to try better than that, my boy…"

All Might didn't have time to finish his sentence, because before the hero-villain even opened his lips, Izuku was already putting his next move into action. Too distracted by the flying piece of cement, All Might didn't realize that by the time the projectile had been launched, Izuku had already left his position long ago.

_Behind you,_ he thought, fighting the nagging urge to say it out loud. Announcing your sneak attacks was something that only happened in movies, for no one would be so idiotic as to ruin the surprise of catching their opponent off guard just so they could look cool. Not daring to hold back, he drove his fist into All Might's right side as hard as he could without breaking his bones in the process. For a brief moment, he'd considered aiming for his weak spot, but that move was only useful because Izuku knew about it beforehand. Fighting a real villain, it was doubtful he'd have that kind of information.  _There's no point if I can't use it in a real fight._

All Might dashed off to safety, mitigating the worst of the damage. "I'll give you that one," he coughed lightly, wiping the corner of his mouth. "But the same move won't work twice. You're going to have to come up with something new if you want to get me a second time."

_Easier said than done._ The only reason this move even worked in the first place was because Kacchan inadvertently gave him the opportunity. But if he could use Kacchan's recklessness to his advantage once, then maybe—

" _Out of my way, Deku!_ "

Izuku had less than a second to dive out of harm's way, before Kacchan tore past him in a trail of flickering lights. He squinted his forest green eyes as the brightness burned his retinas, and he almost missed the way Kacchan dodged All Might's grabbing hands narrowly, by firing off a blast to his left and letting the momentum carry him to safety. His feet hit the ground, and a black boot kicked up a cloud of sand and dust into his opponents face. He didn't waste any time retrieving his leg from the air, but instead moved his hands behind him and set both of them off at the same time. His other foot came up to join the first, and he delivered an explosive-aided drop kick to All Might's face.

The fake-villain moved to grab his ankles, but Kacchan swung his arms from behind his back to aim them downwards, and still balancing atop All Might's face, set off two big blasts in his direction, stunning the Symbol of Peace temporarily.

Kacchan smiled victoriously and jumped off his teacher, ready to set off his quirk once again aimed from behind. His victory was short lived however, because quick as lightning, All Might spun on his heel, and landed a devastating blow straight into his abdomen. The explosive teen hacked up the contents of his stomach, and before he could recover, All Might sent a burst of wind his way, carrying the teen until he smacked shoulders first into a half crumbled building.

"That's not gonna work," All Might grinned, and before Izuku had time to react, the flat of his teacher's palm cut through the air in a backwards moving arc, sending waves of wind pressure along the way, continuing until it met with Izuku and sent him off. "You two sure like trying to attack me from behind, don't you? How unheroic. And you sure don't waste any time either; I almost didn't catch you in time, Midoriya my boy!"

_Shit,_ Izuku cursed. He had tried to use Kacchan's assault to his advantage to sneak in an attack on All Might whilst he was distracted, but after so many hits and attempted hits from behind, the hero was on high alert.

_I need him to lower his guard again,_ he realized.  _Or else, I'm never gonna get another chance._

Izuku wheezed as all air left his lungs at once, because suddenly, Kacchan was on him. He'd driven his form into the other boy's side, and he shouted, " _I told you to piss off, Deku!_ "

_Is he for real?_ Izuku thought in disbelief.  _That whole conversation, and he still haven't learned anything?_

Izuku wasn't just going to let the blonde punch him around as he pleased. The back of his hand slapped hard across Kacchan's cheek, and in anger, returned, "Why don't you piss off?! So far, all I'm seeing you doing is letting All Might smack you around like you're his personal punching bag!"

Which, okay, that might have been too far. It wasn't even true, not really, and Izuku had taken his share of blows as well. He was just  _so angry,_ he couldn't stop himself from returning every spitfire word thrown in his face right back. So, he hit him right where he knew it would hurt.

_This is what it must feel like to be Kacchan._

He didn't like it. But, it was also liberating, in a cruel and selfish sort of way. But it was a satisfaction that only lasted temporarily, and as addicting as it was, he knew he would come to regret it later.

"You're fighting the wrong opponent!" All Might didn't give them any further warning, before another push of air blasted them away.

_This sucks,_ Izuku thought as he awaited his painful decent.  _It's not fair at all._

But since when had Izuku's life ever been fair?

When the two students crashed into the rocky rubble of the ruined city, Izuku knew what he had to do. It pissed him off, but if he wanted to win this, there was no other way. And for once,  _just once,_ he really wanted to win. Without an iota of doubt about his victory, he wanted to  _win._

Before either of them could fully recover, Izuku's hand was already clutching Kacchan tight in his grip. He ran, not to flee, but he needed some time to  _think._

He stopped, panting hard, hiding behind a building that balanced on its foundation precariously. He dropped the struggling blonde by his feet, and breathing heavily, said, "Kacchan,  _please,_ for once, can we just  _work together?_ "

Kacchan glared, but it wasn't quite his usual burning stare. Something seemed different about it, hesitant almost. Izuku continued.

"You won't ever have to talk to me again after this. But don't you want to win?  _Don't you want to win against All Might?_ " he grinned, big and wide, "Not just something small, but  _absolute, obliterating victory?_ " his fist clenched tight, and his eyes was filled with white hot determination, "I don't care what you have me do. Just tell me, and I'll fucking do it.  _I want to win._ "

"Christ, Deku," Kacchan looked at him like he didn't know who he was. "I knew something was going on with you, but seriously, what the fuck? Since when did you want to  _obliterate_  All Might?"

"Since I decided that if I'm able to do that, then I might stand a chance."

If possible, Kacchan looked even more confused. "A chance? A chance against what? What the hell are you planning?"

Izuku looked thoughtful for a second. Then, "To survive."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You know, it's kind of funny. Considering how much gore and bloody violence this story contains, this is probably the first proper fight scene I've written. And by god, it was fun. And it's not even over yet. The real fun part is gonna come next chapter. >:)


	25. Demolition Synergy

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "This is fucking crazy," Kacchan repeated.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Holy shit, I'm alive! Betchu weren't expecting that. Tbh, I'm not sure I was either. Sorry that it took so long. I was just so excited to get to this chapter, and then it didn't turn the way I had envisioned and I kinda lost motivation. :( Well, it's out now. Let's see how long I can keep going.

"This is fucking crazy," Kacchan muttered, but the sharp grin on his face was telling. " _This is fucking crazy._ "

"So… you're actually going along with it?" Izuku knew the question ran the risk of pissing the other teen off, but he never expected Kacchan to look so  _excited._

"The fucking expression on his face is going to be priceless," he said, and Izuku wasn't sure if it was an answer to the question, or the blonde just thinking aloud and ignoring him completely. Kacchan nodded his messy hair of spikes silently, as if already imagining it. Which, knowing him, he probably was. "Just don't fuck this up, because I sure as hell ain't gonna carry you out of there."

"So long we get All Might, it's fine," Izuku assured. "Then you can just run for the exit."

Kacchan looked at him, as if offended. "Always the same self-sacrificing asshole," he sneered, and Izuku realized his mistake.

Quickly, before he had the time to work himself into a rage, Izuku corrected himself. Meeting the crimson gaze glaring daggers into him, he answered in a tone with unwavering resolve laced around every letter. "I'm not gonna fail, Kacchan."

"That's what I fucking thought," he answered with a nod. "Now come on— _let's fucking destroy him._ "

 

* * *

 

All Might scratched his chin, eyes scanning the concrete rubbles and crumpling buildings that made up the destroyed landscape around him. "Hmm… now where could those two be hiding…?"

One ear perking up, he gyrated his broad body to greet approaching footsteps. "Ah, Midoriya, my boy!" he welcomed, before tilting his head to the side and cupping his chin thoughtfully. "Now let's see, where is that angry friend of yours?"

"Not here," Izuku replied, not missing a beat. His lips were pressed tight together in a thin line of displeasure, and he eyed his teacher cautiously. "You know, pairing the two of us together was really cruel, All Might."

His name was uttered like a dirty word, and All Might forced a strained chuckle, eyes flickering nervously from the boy in front of him to the many jagged piles of debris scattering the destroyed battle grounds. "Not my idea, young man! But you know, a professional hero must have the ability to adapt to any situation—even unsavory teammates!"

"Oh—so I'm the one that needs to adapt?" Izuku walked with leisurely steps toward the not-villain, gravel crunching under his heel with every meticulous step. He paused by a wrinkled guard railing, which despite all the abuse it had endured, was still valiantly fighting to stand in the cracked concrete ground, as everything else fell apart around it. Izuku ran his gloved fingers over it carefully, feeling it shift precariously beneath them. "That's funny. I'm not the one who attacked his ally when things didn't go my way. Ah—but I did fight back. Was that wrong of me? Am I not allowed to defend myself? Should I have just let him keep punching me until he was satisfied?" Izuku smiled sardonically, hand closing around the metal bar resting between his fingers.

All Might coughed into his fist awkwardly. "Now now, that's not what I—" he started, before cutting himself off when he realized he didn't know how to proceed. "What I mean is… what I'm trying to say—"

The hero's teeth clamped painfully over the tip of his tongue in surprise when a deafeningly loud explosion rang out behind him. Instantly, his head whipped backwards hard enough to give him whiplash, but Izuku forced the attention back on him with a loud shout and a gust of wind.

" _Don't turn your back on me, All Might!_ "

It was just in time that his teacher managed to concentrate his focus back on his student, and his reflexes forced his arms up to shield him from the worst of the damage, while his heels dug deeply into the ground to dampen the effect of the windy assault.

Izuku's teeth bit down on the inside of his cheek, and he flinched in pain as his finger turned a mottled purple, skin and muscle swelling unevenly around the broken bone.

"Khhh—" he held back the urge to curse, focusing instead on his next course of action. He couldn't waste any time; he needed to move,  _now!_

Another explosion, and Izuku ripped out the barely standing railing, which was still being held tight in his grip, before charging his opponent with soulful determination. Despite himself, All Might's attention had been stolen away from Izuku a second time that day, and his blue gaze was searching for a loud mouthed blonde he was sure to find hiding somewhere between the jagged edges of ruined houses.

Izuku grinned, almost manic from all the adrenaline pumping through his veins. With uncontained excitement, he whispered, "I warned you, All Might…" before wrapping steel bars around the muscular arms and torso of his hero, creating a makeshift prison, and caging the Symbol of Peace inside. But, just as easily as Izuku folded the fence to his will, as easily would it be for All Might to break free.

Despite that, the short amount of time Izuku would buy from All Might attempting to break away from his grasp was their only hope. Every tiny little second counted. It just  _had_ to be enough.

Because that was all he needed. A second—just a second, once he let go. But for now, he needed a few more.

So, he holds on. With all the strength he could muster, he squeezes the person in his arms as hard as he possibly could. With his legs, his arms,  _his whole body_ , he holds on to the golden hero for dear life.

_Just a little longer._

He could feel his bones creaking and muscles stretch, far enough that he swore he could the tiny fibres in them tearing as All Might continued to struggle.

_Just a little longer._

A final blast of fire and smoke, and finally, it's falling. Kacchan had done it. Izuku watched in awe and fear, eyes wide and mouth agape as the giant skyscraper broke in two. Almost as if in slow motion, it began to fall, and Izuku found himself frozen by the sight. It was pure destruction, glass and stone alike breaking apart and soaring through the air in a hail of debris, with the giant shadow of the remaining building just beneath, blocking out the sun and highlighting the carnage.

Izuku couldn't hold on any longer. It was time to let go.

His fingers unclasped from skin tight spandex, limbs relaxing and crying with pain and relief all at once as he dropped to the ground. As soon as he felt the first contact of his heavy boots touching the floor, he dug his heels in and let his legs fall into a squat, before springing like a coil. His dark green curls lashed against his cheeks as he thrusted backwards, and in morbid amazement, he watched as pieces of heavy concrete, both tiny and small, crashed like meteors in a shower of rubble. When they hit the ground, it kicked up both dust and shrapnel, which surrounded All Might and hid the hero in a sandy cloak. Izuku had to squint hard as tears sprung into the corners of his eyes, doing their best to ease the burning irritation caused by the polluted air.

_It worked,_ he realized, the thought moving sluggishly in a dense pool of disbelief. But when it finally reached him, the awe and incredulously washed away to uncover a hiccuping laugh that made his chest feel like it was filled with soda, bubbling with amazement. Because finally, there was a chance. The mad plan he and Kacchan had struggled together with  _actually worked._

_They might actually beat All Might._

As soon as his body hit the ground, he ran. With all the strength his legs could carry, he ran, never once daring to look back. He didn't know if the shattered building had pulled the hero down with it, trapping him beneath the rubble. He didn't know if All Might had already managed to dig himself free.

_A pit in his stomach, like vacuum inhaling everything around it, made him hollow with the worry that, maybe this was too far? Were they making a mistake? It was a concern he didn't want to feed, because this was All Might. Of course he'll be fine. Was he really so conceited as to think he could seriously harm the Number One Hero?_

_And more than that_ ,  _it was the nervous flutter in his limbs that licked his flesh in warm, pleasant tickles that didn't want to_ — _didn't want to consider how dangerous this plan might actually be. Because it was the only thing he could think of. It was the only thing that might give them a chance._

In the corner of his eyes, he saw a flash of blonde as Kacchan joined him by his side. A crazy grin cracked across his face, and he cackled in delight. "Holy shit," he swore, eyes meeting Izuku's. "Did you see that shit?"

It was a rhetorical question of course, so Izuku settled to answer it with a wide smile of his own. For one moment, whatever past they might have didn't matter, as they shared in each other's success, laughing in victorious glee.

The laughter stopped as Kacchan suddenly pulled to a stop, and whipping his head back, he cursed. "Fuck." Izuku joined him in halted movements, gaze joining the blonde's and grimacing at the sight of All Might speeding toward them. His imposing form was covered in bleeding scrapes and bruises, his costume torn in several places and just the tiniest hint of a limp left leg. His smile was strained, clashing sharply with the bright anticipation lighting up the vivid blue of his eyes. He was watching his students with acute focus, growing ever larger the more he closed in on them.

"Get behind me!" Kacchan shouted brashly, bringing his hands up in front of him and squaring his stance. Izuku followed without a word, knowing better than to ask questions. "I'm gonna give this fucker an explosion big enough that he won't have a choice but to dodge!" He grinned, narrow pupils fixated on the rapidly approaching form of their opponent. "When I tell you to, pull the pins of both of my gauntlets! You got that, you overly obsessed fanboy?!"

"Got it," Izuku acknowledged, brushing off the insult and maneuvered his arms under Kacchan's, preparing the grenade like gloves the same way he'd seen the other do so many times. His fingers curled around the metal loops, cold against his sweaty skin, and ready to pull at any moment.

All Might's eyes increased in size, seemingly having caught on to their plan, but it was too late. " _Now!_ " Kacchan screamed, and Izuku's senses quite literally exploded in a mix of heat, noise and blinding light as both Kacchan's hands went off at once, which joined the gauntlets in creating a massive blaze made out of pure glory and destruction, consuming all in it's path.

The power was enough to bring both students down with it, forcing their feet off of the ground and up into the air. But Izuku, having taught himself to never let a bad situation go to waste, seized the opportunity.

The exit was at their backs, but even with the force of the explosion, it would not be enough to carry them to victory. So, he gritted his teeth, and while he could still feel his toes touching the ground, pushed off as hard as he could. With the power of One for All and the burning backlash of Kacchan's quirk, they were sailing toward the exit at a dangerous speed. Wrapping his arms ever tighter around his partner's torso, all Izuku could do was pray,  _please let this be enough._

" _Fuck,_ " Kacchan choked as Izuku's limbs dug into his torso, and he probably would have turned his head to glare at him if he could. "Give me a fucking warning next time before you pull some shit like that, would you?!"

"No time," Izuku dismissed, squinting through blonde strands. He'd lost feeling in the lower half of his feet, but it was easy to ignore with the adrenaline fueling his mind and body. "Can you see him? Did you get him?"

"Of course I got him," Kacchan replied with a huff, but his eyes surveyed the horizon intently for a telltale flash of golden blonde or electric blue. It was hard to see anything through the hair lashing across their faces and the black smoke still floating like a thick curtain over the fake city, but their senses were set on high alert for the first sign of trouble.

Izuku looked behind him, and saw the hard ground approaching rapidly. "Time to land," he warned, bracing his legs. After that, it was only a few more meters to the exit, and they would be home free. Assuming he didn't break his legs before then, that is.

His soles slammed into the unforgiving asphalt, sending shocks of pain rocking throughout his bones. The smell of burnt rubber entered his nose as his feet skid along the ground, and he locked his teeth together in a pained grimace as he fought against gravity's best attempts to topple them over like pink domino pieces.

"What the fuck—" Kacchan hissed, and Izuku yelped as the back of his heel caught in an uneven crevasse in the ground. Their bodies tilted backwards, just barely missing the large piece of rubble flying over their heads.

The air was forcefully stolen from Izuku's lungs as his back hit the ground, and Kacchan crashing on top of him. The blonde quickly rolled off, cursing loudly all the while. "Jesus Christ, that fucker just doesn't give up, does he?!" he blared, throwing a heated glare toward the rock that just missed them by a few centimeters. Then, he turned it towards the dark cloud it escaped from.

A dark chuckle reverberated through the broken streets and black dust as the towering silhouette of All Might could just be hinted at through the smoke, before it cut off to a muffled cough. Izuku stared intently into the darkness, opening his mouth.

"He can't have much more in him," he said, his eyes a wild green and gleaming with the words he kept repeating in his head.  _Can't give up, can't give up, gotta win, gott ._

"Then why the fuck are we still standing here?" Kacchan snarled, pulling him to his feet. "We're almost there. If we lose now, I  _swear_ I'm gonna kill you."

Izuku snorted, casting his eyes to Kacchan's sour expression. "Yeah, that might work."

They ran. His feet felt numb, yet every step shot sparks of pain through his legs. He was sure to get an earful from Recovery Girl later. He glimpsed behind him, and was met with the cold blue eyes of All Might bearing down on them.

He didn't say anything. He just grabbed Kacchan by the black of his tank top, and feeling the electric rush of One for All pour through his arm, he threw.

Kacchan made a strangled noise of surprise as he gravitated into the air, only a few more steps from the exit. All Might reached his arm out, large looming hand rapidly closing in on his green haired student.

"Oh no, you fucking don't!" Izuku could hear Kacchan shout in front of him, as he twisted his body mid-air. "Duck!"

He did. The stench of burning hair invaded his nostrils, and beads of sweat broke out across his scalp like salty raindrops. Scorchingly hot air filled the space above him and he blinked his eyes, attempting to soothe the burning dryness. Then, he righted his back and continued to run, and he could feel the hovering presence of All Might disappearing behind him.

His mind blank of everything but reaching the exit with Kacchan. He can do it. He can. Both he and Kacchan will make it out of here, no retries, no resets. No one left behind.

A bloodied and blistered hand reached out to him. His brain had shut down long ago, and his body was running on autopilot. The edges of his vision were dotted with black, and all he could see was that hand. He'd forgotten who it belong to, but it didn't matter.

He took it.

Kacchan pulled, and they both lost their balance and tumbled on top of each other. The blonde sputtered in indignation, but Izuku was too damn exhausted to do anything about it. His throat burned as he breathed, and he was inhaling so much air he thought his lungs might burst, with limbs like jelly.

Kacchan pushed him off harshly and let him roll on to his back. "Get off you twerp!" he complained, but he was too winded to put any real bite behind it. Instead, he opted to join Izuku in the frantic attempts to catch his breath, which formed an almost companionable silence, aside from the heavy breathing that tainted it.

The sound of gravel scraping against each other entered their ears, and All Might was looking down at them. A giant smile lit up his face, a complete dissonance with the rest of his marred and battered appearance.

"Congratulations!" he boomed, smile stretching impossibly wider. Bright crimson reflected of his teeth and dripped slowly down the corner of his mouth, but he didn't even seem to notice. "You both pass!"


	26. Aftermath

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Aizawa stared at them, eyes dark. "I watched the footage."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh my, is this another chapter already~? ;3c

Izuku looked like a fish gaping for air, mouth open in disbelief. He knew what it meant once he crossed that finish line, but he never thought he would actually make it. Kacchan's expression was neutral like stone, but his clenching fists betrayed the emotion he couldn't hide, spilling out of them like the tiny lines of crimson dripping from his palms to the tip of his fingers.

"You really surprised me with that falling building!" All Might smiled, before his face suddenly took on a more serious tone. "That being said, while your tactic might have worked on the basis of this being a simple exam, I'm sure you know as well as I that this could never be used in a real life scenario. For that, not to mention your recklessness, I have to give you a few demerits." Kacchan tsked. "Still, as you did follow the rules of the exam, you both pass!" The hero's smile pulled taught over his cheeks, pearly whites gleaming like diamonds in the sun. His dark pits surveyed his two students, and with a bright expression of relief and pride, he proclaimed, "Wonderful teamwork, you two!"

As predicted, after Izuku and Kacchan had been forcibly whisked away to the nurse's office, Recovery Girl dished out a biting lecture about "understanding your own limits" and that "recklessness will only get you killed". It was interesting to see someone else on the receiving end of the her ire for once, Izuku thought, and the fuming blonde looked like he was about ready to implode.

Kacchan's hands were wrapped in layers of bandages, and swimming in a hefty amount of salves to ease the pain and speed up the healing process. Izuku's feet and legs found themselves in the same predicament, and he momentarily considered never moving again. Every little twitch of his torn muscles felt like someone firing a flamethrower aimed specifically at his nerve endings.  _Maybe I can find a job as a living statue,_ he thought, wincing.

Not long after Recovery Girl finished her treatment, Aizawa walked through the door together with a sheepish All Might at his heels. Izuku raised an eyebrow at them, which Aizawa met with a dead eyed stare.

Kacchan was wearing his usual expression of displeasure, and with a scowl at the teachers, he barked out an annoyed, "What?"

Aizawa's eyes landed on searing red, and for a moment, he was just silent. Then, with a deep frustrated sigh, he spoke. "I watched the footage of your match," he eyed them coolly. "Your behavior was unacceptable."

"Now now Aizawa, they did—" All Might began, but cut himself off when he received a tired glare in response.

"Don't try to make excuses, All Might. They need to hear this, and you know it as well as I do."

All Might peered at his students, looking guilty, but ultimately sighed and nodded his head in acquiescence. "No, you're right. Please excuse me; I got too caught up in the moment."

Aizawa hummed, and his attention returned to the two teens frowning up at him from their hospital beds. The teacher's dark eyes zeroed in on Kacchan, finding their first target as he shot off his lecture. Izuku observed silently, watching as crimson eyes began to twitch in frustration.

"Bakugou. You attacked your teammate, unprovoked. And no, finding him annoying doesn't count as a 'provocation'," he snapped, before Kacchan could open his mouth. "I shouldn't have to tell you why this sort of behavior is unacceptable, especially for someone studying to be a hero, but you've proven me wrong." Kacchan lowered his head, but continued to glare hotly at his teacher. Aizawa continued, "You're supposed to be fighting villains, not each other. What if your little spat caused you to fail? What if the villain escaped? What if your inability to control your own emotions caused someone's death?" with each word his eyes burrowed deeper into Kacchan's. "In a real battle, even the tiniest distraction could be the difference between life and death. You don't become a hero because you want to fight. You become a hero because you  _want to save lives._ "

As the last words left Aizawa's mouth, Kacchan's face drained of emotion, and he started blankly at his teacher's back as he turned to Izuku. The green haired boy met the disapproving stare with eyes tired enough to challenge the infamous insomniac.

"What did I do wrong this time?" he drawled out, and Aizawa narrowed his dark eyes on him.

"Don't test me. While I understand defending yourself, know your boundaries. When you put your foot on Bakugou after you already knocked him down, was that in self defense?"

Izuku raised a corner of his mouth into a weary smile, and answered. "Yes. Do you think he would have just given up after I kicked him into the pavement?" he glanced to the boy in question, expecting a hail of red daggers thrown his way. But Kacchan still had that same unreadable expression on his face, and Izuku frowned. He looked back at his teacher.

Aizawa did not look amused.

"Is that so?" he spoke slowly. "And in that moment, was that what you were thinking? Were you attempting to de-escalate the situation?"

Izuku shrugged. "Kacchan is hard to de-escalate. He's like a handgrenade—once the pin is pulled, it's too late to stop the explosion." He eyed his teacher consideringly. "I gave him some advice."

"Advice?" Aizawa repeated, raising an eyebrow inquisitively. "And what sort of advice did you give him?"

Izuku looked at Kacchan again. Then, "I told him that if he continues the way he does now, it's not gonna end well for him," he turned back to Aizawa. "Or do you disagree, Aizawa-sensei?"

Aizawa didn't answer.

 

* * *

 

"Deku-kun!" "Midoriya-kun!"

He was still in the nurse's office when his friends ran up to him, worried looks on their faces. Uraraka threw a suspicious glare Kacchan's way, but he ignored her. She turned her attention back to Izuku. Conspiratorially, she leaned close and spoke in a hushed voice.

"What happened? Did he do something? Did he hurt you?" she cracked her knuckles menacingly. "If he did, just tell us, and we'll take care of the rest."

Iida waved his hands, looking aghast. "We won't be using violence! That's unbecoming of future heroes!" he whisper-shouted, not addressing the the fact that a large chunk of a hero's career consisted of violence. Still, they understood his intention, and didn't comment on it. "Of course, I'm not saying that we'll let him get away with it! We just have to go through the proper channels, like professionals."

Izuku didn't quite understand why, but a soft giggle burst through his lips, and he moved his hand up to cover it. His friends watched him, their serious expressions brightening at the sight of his eyes crinkling in amusement. Not wanting to lie— _says the liar_ —to his friends, Izuku answered truthfully. "Well… he did."

Immediately, his classmates faces turned sour, looking like they just stuffed a lemon in their cheeks. But before they could storm over to Kacchan and give him an earful, Izuku cut in. "But it's alright! It doesn't bother me anymore."

Uraraka looked at him, the start of angry tears pricking the corners of her eyes and she clenched her fists. "That doesn't make it alright! You don't have to force yourself to forgive someone just because you think that's what a hero does. Because it's not!"

Izuku's eyes hardened, but quickly softened when he saw her concerned expression. He sighed. "That's not what I'm doing," he smiled at them, a genuine, though bitter-sweet, smile. "Really, I'm fine. Actually… I'm glad what happened, did. I feel…" his gaze turned to Kacchan. He had his back turned to them, laying in the hospital bed, head to the wall. Izuku rested his eyes on him a moment, before turning away. "I feel like something important happened today," he settled. "It was a rough start, but in the end, we managed to work together. We defeated All Might.

"It was… fun."

Uraraka and Iida met each other's stares, curious and concerned all at on once, then looked at Kacchan. They shook their heads, and then they were gushing about how their own exams went. Mina, Kirishima, Kaminari and Sero burst in just seconds later, fighting to be the first through the door and loudly talking over each other as they crowded around Kacchan, who barked at them to "piss off".

Izuku listened intently as Iida described his match against Power Loader, his wild gesticulating painting a very vivid image. Kacchan continued to be bombarded with questions, and despite all his complaining, he answered most of them, though somewhat dismissive. Eventually, Recovery Girl came in and told them to keep it down, and to not bother still recovering patients.

Izuku's chest felt light. His muscles still ached painfully, but it was like fuzzy background noise now.

For a moment, Izuku felt at peace.


	27. Intermission

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Izuku meet with Dr. Kyuusai.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's a short one this time... next one is probably also gonna be pretty short as well, but don't worry, I think you'll like it. >:) I already have the majority of it written, so it should hopefully come out soon.
> 
> Tbh, this chapter isn't super important. It's an "intermission" for a reason. But I still wanted to include it. And hopefully, you'll still enjoy it!

Dr. Kyuusai smiled at him as he sat down. "How have you been doing since we last met?" she asked, hands folded over her blue little notebook.

Izuku mulled over the question for a while, considering his answer. Finally, "Its been… good."

Kyuusai jotted something down. "Did something special happen?" she wondered, eyes raising to meet his.

"We had the end-of-term exam at U.A.," Izuku provided, and his therapist looked intrigued.

"It must have been pretty stressful. But judging from your response, you seem to have done well," she tilted her head slightly and tapped her pencil to her cheek. "I'm curious. What does the end-of-term exam of the most prestigious hero school in Japan entail?"

"Well, first there's the written exam," he began. "It's pretty much what you'd expect. Lots of questions about quirk laws and the history of heroics… along with some more general subjects. Then there's the practical exam," he smiled at the memory. "We were paired in individual teams to fight against one of our teachers, pretending to be a villain."

"That sounds pretty extreme," the doctor commented. "I heard every teacher at U.A. is a pro-hero. Did they at least take it easy on you?"

"Well… I wouldn't say they 'went easy' on us…" the boy scratched the back of his skull. "But they did provide us with alternative means to complete the exam, without having to beat them in a straight up fight."

"Who was your opponent?"

"All Might."

Dr. Kyuusai looked impressed. "And you won?"

Izuku nodded. "It wasn't easy… of course. Actually, I didn't think it was possible. Especially not when…" he cut himself of suddenly, but the woman's keen eyes did not miss a beat, and her pupils narrowed.

"Was there a problem?" she prompted, notebook up and ready.

Izuku avoided her gaze, staring into a corner of the room. Dust had gathered between the crack where the wall strips met, and he studied it like a modern piece of art. Finally, still considering the small spots of dirt that stained the white varnish, he said simply, "My teammate."

Dr. Kyuusai frowned. "This person, you don't get along well?"

Izuku shook his head mutely, green curls softly whipping his cheeks. Then, tilting his chin up, he stared through the window, watching green trees swaying calmly back and forth in the wind. "We did."

The doctor put her book in her lap, concentrating on him. "What changed?"

"It's complicated," he answered vaguely. "We used to be friends. But then, when everybody started to get their quirks except for me… I guess I wasn't important any more. I just became a boring, useless Deku…"

"You've known them for a long time, then. How did they feel about you entering U.A.?"

Izuku snorted. "I'm lucky his quirk isn't killing people just by looking at them."

The woman's eyebrows furrowed, and she grimaced mildly. "Not good then."

A soft laugh escaped the boy's chest, and Dr. Kyuusai looked startled, before a pleased smile soothed her face. She retrieved her notebook and moved her pencil over the paper, while she continued her questioning. "How was it, working together with him against All Might?"

"He punched me."

His therapist paused, eyes leaving her page to meet orbs of green.

"So I kicked his head into the pavement."

She lowered her hands. "Now I'm even more curious to know how you managed to pass the exam."

Izuku leaned back in his seat, eyes fixed to the ceiling, staring at nothing. "I guess I managed to talk some sense into him… whatever I said, it was enough to convince Kacchan to work with me. At least temporarily." He smiled placidly, and his eyes met Kyuusai's. "I'm not sure if anything between us has changed, but…" he clenched his hands over one another and his head lowered subconsciously. "I want to believe that it has."

He wasn't sure when the tears started, or even why, until the doctor offered him a white tissue box with a sympathetic look on her face. He took it gratefully, quickly scrubbing the wet saline off of his cheeks.

Kyuusai laid her blue block on the table, and extended a slim hand toward him, a mellow expression on her face. "Do you mind if I use my quirk on you?" she asked. "Usually, we have patients fill out blankets asking them how they're feeling, but I feel that this is much more accurate."

Izuku inhaled a final sniffle and nodded, putting the tissues down on the table. "O-okay," he murmured, letting his hand fall in hers.

Like the first time they met, she closed her eyes and let her quirk to its work. She didn't pull away hastily from him with a terrorized look in her eyes this time, but instead held him with a considering expression and eyebrows furrowed lightly in concentration. Eventually, she lets him go, and slowly opens her eyes.

"I'm glad you're feeling better," she says, and pick up her notebook.


	28. Someone Familiar

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Izuku reunites with someone from his past.

Kirishima, Mina, Kaminari and Sato had a look of doom weighing down their faces. Sero chewed on his lip nervously, and they all watched Aizawa like he was the ferryman about to carry them to hell. Whoever failed the exam would be left in school, suffering through remedial classes while the rest joined together for a fun school trip to a forest lodge.

"Kaminari," Aizawa began, reading of his list of doomed names. "Kirishima," he enunciated slowly, "Mina," a rumbling bell tolled low afore each word, "Sato," the final chime, and all fell silent, save from the Judge himself. "Sero. You all failed the practical exam. And thus…"

He stared them down, and in that moment, he was neither man nor human. He was a  _monster._

"We're all going on the school trip!" the man grinned in a way that said the only joy he found in life was to emotionally torment his students. Izuku sighed.  _This is how you create trust issues._

The condemned five jumped from their seats, cheering and crying in equal measure. Their good spirits were quickly squashed however, when Aizawa revealed that the lodge wasn't just some nice vacation, but a boot camp to rigiously train and hone their abilities.

"And of course, everyone who failed will still be attending extra classes," the teacher spoke monotonously. "Honestly… it probably would have been easier if you just stayed at school. Now take these pamphlets and pass them on."

 

* * *

 

There was an oppressive atmosphere in the air as five students stared longingly at the rest of their friends—so carefree, so  _innocent._ Mina buried her face in her palms and Kaminari prayed silently to whichever deity would listen. Sato had produced a pack of cookies from somewhere, chewing them down like a starving man, while Kirishima risked his life by sharing his woes with Kacchan.

The blonde looked like he was about ready to commit murder when Hagakure suddenly jumped from her seat. "We should all go shopping together!" she squealed, full of energy and impossibly animated for someone who was invincible. "We're going to need lots of supplies for the school trip, and there's a local mall not too far we could all go to!"

And just like that, whatever dark miasma had spread through the classroom dissipated like clouds parting to make way for the sun. Mina had stars in her eyes, Kaminari looked up from his seat like his prayers had been answered, and Iida was nodding approvingly.

"A marvelous idea!" he conquered. "It is always good to be prepared for any situation."

Uraraka nudged Izuku lightly with an elbow. "Will you come with us, Deku-kun?" she inquired, a sunlit smile on her face and looking at him with the brightness of a thousand stars. And honestly, Izuku would rather die than ruin that.

"Alright," he conceded.

And when in an impossible feat her smile grew even brighter, he knew he made the right choice.

 

* * *

 

Izuku didn't know how long he had been standing there, just staring in complete disbelief of what was before him. At first he thought me must be mistaken, because there was no way that what he was seeing was actually true. So, he stepped closer, to reassure himself that it was just some terribly dark hallucination.

Staring into the eyes of his own reflection, emerald green painted in circles on the glass window, he looked at what was beyond. His eyes raked slowly over every little crevasse and detail, recreating a perfect imprint in his brain to make sure it was real.

He blinked his eyes, and still, there it was. Plain as day and looking as innocent as could be.

_Except it wasn't._

It must be a joke, surely, he thought. Because no one could be so stupid—

So insensitive—

So  _vile_ as to think that this was a good idea. That this was completely okay, and in no way fucked up whatsoever.

_But it was._

He felt nauseous, a sickness that rotted him deep to the core. Izuku had seen a lot of things in his life, things he wished he could erase and scrub from his memory. Things no one should ever have to bear witness too. But this—this was different, in a way he couldn't properly describe. It wasn't the same gut reaction of terror as his own viscera spilled from his abdomen, or the despair of watching someone you thought would be with you for years to come crumble into dust.

It couldn't be compared, but yet, this hurt in such a strange new way. He felt  _betrayed,_ but by what, he did not know. And try as he might, as much as he wanted to convince himself that this was some sort of sick joke, the chortling teens beside him reminded him that this was reality. That there were people out there who looked at Stain and did not immediately see a murderer, but someone to admire. It didn't matter if he killed people or not, because he did it 'for a good cause'. That he was 'cool'.

Don't misunderstand. It wasn't like Izuku was unable to wrap his head around why people may feel drawn to him. Stain had a hidden charisma that spoke to people sharing his same ideals. And there was nothing wrong with that. Heroes weren't perfect, on that, Izuku could agree. The system was corrupt, and there needed to be  _change._

Hero did not mean good. But just because your goal is admirable does not mean that your path to reach it is justified. Izuku did not agree, and Izuku did not like him, but  _he_   _understood Stain._

But what he didn't understand, what absolutely  _baffled_ him, was why that somehow meant it way okay to create merchandise based off of a serial killer.

His hands clenched to creaking fists, and unbidden, he could feel the power of One for All taking over him. He reached a hand out, and with shaky fingers, he touched the glass of the display window so softly, you might think it was an ancient artifact. His breathing came in shorter and shorter bursts, as the pads of his fingers pressed into the glass with ever growing pressure to match.

If he could just reach in… just  _break._

_You could just do it. Show them. Do it. Who's gonna to stop you?_

But no, that's wrong! It's not right.

_This isn't right. This… fucking_  insult.  _Just imagine if Iida were here. Imagine how he would feel. Don't you want to help your friend? Don't you?_

This isn't helping.

_You should find who did this. Find them. Find them and_ —  _and—_

" _No!_ "

He screamed. He didn't care if people gave him odd looks and parents pulled their children closer.

_This isn't right._

_This isn't right._

_This isn't right._

_What's wrong with me?_

One for All seeped out of him like a popped balloon. Shame of a magnitude he'd never felt before filled him, and in the middle of that mall, standing before a killer's merchandise, he cried.

_What's wrong with me?_

_I just want to go back to normal._

_Why can't I just stop being like this?_

 

* * *

 You really are pathetic _._

* * *

 

"Hey," an arm swung around his shoulders and pulled him in, and Izuku's muscles pulled tight at the sudden touch. "Why are you crying? Something wrong?"

At first, he thought it must be one of his friends, and fear froze his stomach to ice.  _Please don't look,_ he thought.  _Don't look at me like this. I beg you._ But when he glanced up to see the person holding him, he was taken aback by what he saw. Because it wasn't the reassuring smile of one of his friends, but a man he did not know. His face was covered in a wavy curtain of hair, constricted by the black hoodie that was pulled over his head, hiding his appearance.

"Um," Izuku muttered, skin itching with discomfort at the stranger's touch. Why did he have to be so close? He understood someone being concerned by a teen crying alone in a mall, but hadn't this person ever heard of personal space?

"Oh!" the weird man uttered suddenly, absolutely delighted. "I recognize you! You're from U.A.—I saw you in that video. Midoriya Izuku, right?"

There was no question about which video he meant, and Izuku's discomfort grew. Even now, he would have the occasional stranger walk up to him and ask for a picture.

" _This is gonna be so sick!_ " they'd laugh, angling their cell phone. " _My friends are gonna be so jealous when I show them this!_ "

"That's so cool," Izuku could hear the smile in the hooded man's voice. "You're a real little hero huh?" he cackled, and leaned in closer until he was whispering in his ear. " _I'm so glad I got to meet you again._ "

Chills slithered down Izuku's spine, the words freezing him in place.

"I hope you remember me. I'd be kinda hurt if you didn't."

Once more, Izuku looked up at that hair covered face. Shigaraki leaned back, slowly unveiling the hideous grin that tore his face apart from ear to ear. Rows of unkempt teeth were covered by lips so dry, they looked like they were ready to snap. The cracks and crevices littering the sickly skin bled red, and carved even deeper into his mouth as it moved to form words.

"Let's take a walk."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Awww, Izuku is having his first date! :D Do you think he's nervous? :3


	29. Gamble and Guidance

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> " _What's the difference between him and me?_ "
> 
> Izuku give Shigaraki some direction.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well, the only excuse I have for this delay is that I was too busy playing Fallout: New Vegas to write on the story... oops. Not my fault the game is so damn fun.

  
" _Let's take a walk._ "  
  


The first thought that passed through Izuku's mind was,  _let's not_ , but what left his mouth instead was a simple, "Why?"

Instantly, four of Shigaraki's fingers wrapped around his throat, with the middle one hovering just a twitch away. And despite the somewhat inconvenient grip, Shigaraki was still able to muster enough strength to dig the digits into the soft skin hard enough to bruise.

"Do you remember my quirk?" he asked, and Izuku could feel the man smirk into his hair. "Once this last finger touch you, you'll be nothing but dust. So I suggest you consider your next actions very,  _very_ closely."

And  _oh,_ Izuku remembered—more than Shigaraki could know, and with memories clear as glass, he  _remembered._

He remembered how his skin turned dry with decay, flaking off his muscles and floating away in tiny fragments, not unlike a snake crawling out of its old husk. Except unlike a snake, there wasn't a new shiny layer of skin waiting beneath, but flesh and blood and screaming pain. And he remembered the look on Asui's face before her head faded into nothing but ash, mixing together with the blood spurting out of her neck turning it into a dull crimson sludge.

He remembered, but what he couldn't remember, was the fear. He knew of its existence, but it was like words stuck to the tip of your tongue. He knew, he  _knew he knew_ , but no matter how far he reached and scrambled, he couldn't find that lost feeling of terror that drowned him like an icy sea, pulling him deeper into its depths until all he had was darkness.

Now, he was only left with anger, which swelled inside of him and embraced his soul like an old friend. Izuku smiled, warm as the sun, and opened his arms wide. A quiet whisper left his lips, and he mouthed the words.

_Welcome home._

"I wonder how many I can take with me after I'm done with you before the police shows up," Shigaraki mused with glee, the last finger floating dangerously close by his hostage's neck. "Ten? Twelve? What do you think?"

_I think you should get to the point._ Izuku pressed his lips into a thin line as he attempted to glare at the villain behind him. Unbeknownst to the criminal however, the threatening words actually filled Izuku with a sense of relief.

_He'd be the first to die._

_Izuku would be back before Shigaraki hurt anyone else._

Even so, while the boy wasn't worried about the people around them like the villain wanted him to, he kept still. Because through his anger was another feeling; a feeling much more powerful than his urge to rip himself free and take Shigaraki down once and for all. And it was the one feeling that killed more humans than any war ever could:  _curiosity._

Izuku found himself in a situation with an opportunity too good to pass up, and he did not want it to end so soon. Because  _what did Shigaraki want?_  It was a question too tantalizing to go unanswered. So, with a sharp nod and in an even tone, he said, "Alright. I'll come with you."  
  


* * *

  
Izuku tried not to squirm as he waited for Shigaraki to speak. The bench under him felt too hard, and his legs were starting to go numb. He eyed the people passing them by to distract himself, listening to their shouts and laughs while they wandered around without a care in the world, completely unaware of the danger lurking in the middle of them. Izuku wondered how long that would last.

When the villain decided that his victim looked uncomfortable enough, he let out a quiet chuckle and in a deep voice finally spoke. "You know, there's a lot of things I hate in this egotistical world... but there's something that's been bothering me especially lately. Maybe you could solve it for me?"

Izuku sat silent, feeling four deadly fingers resting considering against his throat.

"Have you read the news lately? I have. It's funny, you know… even after I let all those noumus run wild, it didn't even make the front page. Everyone's too busy talking about Stain, it's like they forgot. He seems to be the only thing people care about nowadays," Shigaraki's voice was turning increasingly aggressive, and Izuku's found it increasingly hard to breath as the scarred man subconsciously tightened his grip around the student's throat. "Stain Stain Stain… what's so special about him anyways? Why do everyone like him so much?  _What's the difference between him and me?_ "

Even if he wanted to, Izuku was unable to get a word past his lips. He gasped around the hand slowly robbing him of consciousness as white spots begun to dance in the corners of his vision. His body begged for him to act, but his curiosity sat like a devil on his shoulder, whispering soothing assurances in his ears.  _Not yet, not yet,_ it said, urging him to endure.  _We still don't know what he wants. We have to wait—we have to know. He's not going to kill us yet._

Just after that though, perhaps noticing his distress, Shigaraki eased his grip enough to allow Izuku a gulp of much needed fresh air.

"We're doing the same shit, aren't we?" he muttered, bitter. "We're just destroying what we don't like."

Izuku glanced up at the villain, observing molten red eyes that burned with the glint of insanity. Mulling over his words carefully, he attempted to find the best combination so that he could communicate with the volatile man without setting him off.

"I thought Stain was one of you," he started, and Shigaraki's eye twitched in annoyance. Green eyes cast a quick look to the roaring crowd, then back to the man. With a twist of his lips, he pressed on, "Guess not. I don't like him either. He killed… tried to kill my friend."

Shigaraki scoffed irritatedly, ignoring the boy's slip up. "I wasn't talking about you," he said, mouth pulling down into an open frown that displayed his gritted teeth. "Besides, you made bigger news than I did. So annoying."

The sound of nails dragging across skin made Izuku's hair stand on end as Shigaraki scratched his neck in frustration. Cracked nails gouged into old scars, working to add to the canvas of puckered lines already there, some still a raw pink in their freshness.

_  
Breaths th_ _rough his nose,_  
_a whistling sound as they passed,_  
_the chatter of the crowd forced  
_ _to drown the noises out_

_Insects crawled under the skin,_  
_moving through his body and to his throat—_  
_fingers flexed unwittingly,_  
_the magnetic force pulling them in.  
  
  
_ Scratch scratch scratch—  
  
  
_Itching—stinging—hurting,  
_ _he wanted to  
  
  
_ Scratch scratch scratch.

  
"I don't like him," Izuku repeated, forcing words through his throat, tingling like acid. "But I understand his motivations. That's the difference. When people understand you, they can find something to sympathize with. Even if you don't like them, you can still agree with their words, and that's…" the boy twisted his neck, glaring up at Shigaraki unwaveringly. "That's why it's Stain's face on all the posters—why you can buy your own replica of his mask or decorate your shelf with his action figure, instead of you. People don't like you, and they don't understand you either."

Crimson eyes bore into him, delving places deep and dangerous, but Izuku refused to break. Silence, the people around them melted away and forgotten. Then, ever so slowly, the man started to laugh. Dark chuckles reverberated through Izuku's skull and jostled his brain, and they soon turned into cackles of delight as Shigaraki stared down at him.

"I see. I think I get it now," Shigaraki smiled, his mouth filled with too many teeth to look natural. "I really can't stand you, Midoriya Izuku, but… you're right, aren't you?"

Izuku shook in place as the man holding him trembled against his back with a chest full of laughter. And when Shigaraki's mirth turned into a sound of genuine  _amusement_ , he wasn't sure whether he should feel disturbed or not. Then—abruptly—the laughter stopped, only leaving behind a small buzz that slowly gained volume as the endless noise of the busy mall faded back into existence.

"So what I need is an ideal, huh? Just like the Hero Killer," Shigaraki mused, eyes alight with what Izuku could only describe as wonder. "My ideal…" he breathed, his expression morphing gradually until it settled on one of realization. "...I do have one."

And then he smiled, wide enough to split his face in two. But despite the unsettling nature of it, this was probably the most relaxed Shigaraki had ever looked. Someone only giving him a passing glance might not even think twice about it, just turning away to go on about their day.

Because this wasn't a face of malice, or a grin of pleasure as Shigaraki basked in the pain of others. No, this was someway, somehow, something that could actually be considered  _happiness_.

Then, gone just as quickly as the laughter, the smile turned into bitterness as the villain let out a weary sigh. His eyes turned dark, and with a snarl, spat through his teeth, "It all comes back to All Might, doesn't it?

  
"Everything. It's all about All Might."

  
Izuku opened his mouth, maybe to object—" _I want to be a hero_ "  _large emerald eyes sparkled with the dreams of youth._ " _I want to save people with a smile! Just like All Might!_ "—and closed it.

They spent a moment in thoughtful silent, the hand on his neck almost forgotten. "I guess it is," he acquiesced, finally. Then, rolling the dice for the gamble, he queried, "So? What are you trying to achieve?"

Shigaraki glanced down at him, a scrutinizing look in his eyes. "Hm… the little hero's curious, huh?" he grinned. "Maybe I'll just keep it my little secret for now. Still… this has been a very fruitful conversation, Midoriya Izuku. I'm glad I found you here."

Izuku looked away and mumbled under his breath, " _You're welcome._ " The fingers around his neck twitched.

"There's something else that's been bothering me though," Shigaraki said suddenly. In an instant, spindly digits buried themselves into Izuku's dark curls and his neck made a snapping noise as Shigaraki wrenched his head back forcefully. He hissed in pain and closed his eyes momentarily, and when he opened them again, all he saw was glaring red. " _Are you even scared?_ "

Izuku didn't answer. He wasn't sure he could—his mind was blank as the all consuming ruby sea surrounded him—and all he could do was to stare back. Eyes wide open, unblinking and glowing with unspoken emotion, his throat growing ever tighter as his breaths turned shallow, and then—

"Deku-kun?"

The pair froze as the name was uttered, scared and uncertain. Together, they turned their heads to see the round face of a girl, chocolate eyes observing them with confusion and fear. Her arms fidgeted in an attempt to find their right use, and Izuku realized he was out of time.

He didn't even need to think. Effortlessly, his hand snapped up and gripped Shigaraki's wrist in a crushing hold. Surprised, the villain attempted to complete the circle around the boy's neck, but with a  _yank,_ Izuku tore himself free and pushed his head as far away from the man as it could go. It ripped out several strands of his hair in the process, which still clung to Shigaraki's fingers and fluttered through the air innocently, but it was a small price to pay for freedom. With the slim arm still in his grasp, Izuku stopped taking risks. He flicked his wrist, bent backwards and—

— _snap._

  
  


Shigaraki howled through his teeth, pulling the injured hand to his chest and cradling it protectively. He stumbled from his seat, and with a furious expression twisting his face, lunged forward with the one still functioning arm aimed at Izuku.

Never losing focus, the teen dodged into a crouch. Snapped a leg out, he swept it into the villain's ankles and sent him careening off to the side. His head  _thunked_ against the floor, and his black hood splayed out behind him as he rolled onto his back, groaning.

Izuku walked up beside him, purposeful steps leading his way. He raised a foot, aimed his red sneaker, and stomped. A loud crack resonated in his ears as he broke his former captor's intact wrist, and he finally let himself exhale a quick breath of relief. He bent down to place his hand on the man's shoulder, flipping him onto his stomach unceremoniously. Taking a not-too-kind hold of the broken appendages, he navigated them until they were resting threateningly over Shigaraki's neck.

"Uraraka," he spoke coolly.

"Wh—Deku?! What's going on?!"

Izuku didn't look at her, too focused on the threat under him to bother. Even if the villain was currently incapacitated, he wasn't going to take any chances.  _I'd rather not go through this again._

"Call the police," he said, and after some thought, added, "and get a hero over here as well if you can."

"Um…" Uraraka flickered her eyes between her friend and the stranger beneath him, currently pressed flush against the floor and trashing his legs while swearing loudly. She turned back to Izuku and nodded. "A-alright!"

Izuku listened numbly to the  _tap tap taps_ of Uraraka's phone as he continued to stare Shigaraki down, before the noise was drowned out by the growing crowd.  _I wonder if it's illegal to use someone else's quirk,_ the boy mused curiously, observing Shigaraki's twitching hands.

"He-hello? I need a police officer."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh. Everything turned out better than expected. :o Is that a sign of fortune or future misery?


End file.
